Big Pharma Creates New Polio-Like Virus

Representatives of Big Pharma revealed today that they have created a new polio-like virus and are testing it on California schoolchildren.

“We have infected about 30 California schoolchildren far”, said Big Pharma spokesperson Greg Skrewm. “We hope to have reached epidemic proportions by the end of summer”.

Skrewm explained that Big Pharma makes much of its money from viruses, virus treatments and vaccines. He claims they already have a vaccine for the new virus but won’t release it until at least 100,000 people have become infected.

“Then we will start a nationwide immunization campaign!” he stated.

“This disease is new and we haven’t worked out all bugs yet”, said Michael Lynch, VP of R&D for Big Pharma. “But have no fear! We will have the vaccine available before many of you are infected!”

Lynch explained that researchers genetically modified the old polio virus to make it resistant to every standard type of treatment then re-sequenced it.

“We need to make money for ourselves and to make our shareholders happy”, Lynch explained. “Every time we find a vaccine for a virus, that’s money coming out of our pockets. We need vaccines for new viruses to replace the old viruses”.

Big Pharma CEO Rick Cheney suggests deep pocketed investors invest now.

“I can’t give you any inside info but this is going to be big!” Cheney stated.

Author: NickFun

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