Categorized | Crime

Judge Rejects 17-Year-Old Drunk Driver Affluenza Defense

Judge Rejects 17-Year-Old Drunk Driver Affluenza Defense

A Texas judge threw out the Affluenza defense of a 16-year-old drunk driver today claiming the boy’s family did not make enough money to qualify for that defense.

“I am sentencing this boy to three years in prison,” said Texas State District Judge Jean Boyd.

“His parents only make $65,000 per year between them. In order to qualify for the affluenza defense parents must make over $300,000 and have a cumulative net worth exceeding $3 million including property.”

The boy’s lawyer, public defender Josh Sherman, claims that despite his family’s low income, the boy has always been pampered and allowed to do whatever he wants. The prosecution claimed that Sherman drove an outdated 1999 Honda Civic, for which he had to pay his own gas and maintenance. They also produced records showing the boy had a part-time job at McDonald’s where he earned his own income.

“It would be a travesty of justice if we were to allow the poor, downtrodden, and those without a pot to piss in to use the affluenza defense,” the Judge ruled.

The boy’s father claimed he was going to get a huge bonus this year which would enable the family to build a pool in their back yard, but the judge refused to hear further arguments.

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- who has written 58 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Is it REALLY all that important that you know my biography? Do you want to know the litany of women I have slept with? Do you need to know where I work or what I do for a living? Is there something about my life you can't bear not knowing? PERV!!!

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8 Responses to “Judge Rejects 17-Year-Old Drunk Driver Affluenza Defense”

  1. Kilroy says:

    Good one, Nick. Unfortunately that bodes ill for my poverrhea
    defense strategy.

  2. Deep trout says:

    What’s ironic is people have successfully used a poor upbringing as a defense.

  3. Mad Max says:

    Yes but never works.yet still they try.

  4. P. Beckert says:

    Nailed this one NickFun. Huzzah for good satire!

  5. NickFun says:

    I just found the whole case to be so incredibly bizarre! I wish my family was rich. I could have gotten away with so much more!

  6. deeptrout says:

    What did you get away with?

  7. NickFun says:

    Deeptrout I was notorious for getting away with shit in my youth. I paid for it in karma later!

  8. deeptrout says:

    Is that like a Bitcoin?

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