Month: October 2013
Since Breakup From Orlando Bloom, Many Men Now Fantasizing About Miranda Kerr
After reports surfaced that former Victoria’s Secrets model Miranda Kerr has split from her husband Orlando Bloom, millions of men admit to having fantasies about dating or having sex with her. “Goddamn she’s single now!” exclaimed Nebraska construction worker Gerald…
God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster Movies
HEAVEN – In what proved a serious concern for the International Community Saturday, unconfirmed sources described how His Lordship Almighty God has “really been getting into the disaster movie genre recently,” adding: “He’s watched Twister, like, 8 times in the…
All Time Most Horrific Haunted House; The House of Women w/ PMDD
A new haunted house has been set up in Boulder Colorado that seems set to rank as the most frightening of all time- the House Of Women With PMDD. Halloween spook houses are all the rage here on the Front…
Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike
Sick of the constant bickering between the two major political parties in America and the endless difficulties if makes for the common man, small groups of non-partisan partisan groups have taken to hiding in the woods and in the cellars…
Nine Nasty Reasons to Never Shop at Best Buy
It would be too easy to go into the daily fraud perpetrated by suckering trusting customers into buying gold-plated HDMI cables. Sure, they sell cables at 5,000% markup on the odd hour, but that aside, they’re terrible, incompetent and wholly…
Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital. “All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting…
MTV Promises to Literally Double Gross by 2015
MTV, long known as the first choice in late-night music and regular hours infomercials and reality porn-fer-tainment has set an ambitious goal; to double their gross by 2015, and they’re committed to scraping the gross bottom of the barrel to…
Power Outage Pulls Plug on South Park Episode
Los Angeles: In these uncertain and unstable times there is still one thing the people of America believed they could rely on. Now, all hope is lost and even when the government shutdown ends (which if Cartman has anything to…
Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act
Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming. This…
Fashion Police Accused of Disproportionately Targeting Blacks
LOS ANGELES, CA – An investigation has begun into allegations that members of the fashion police have deliberately set out to target blacks during routine fashion exposes and before-and-after shots. The announcement comes after 2,000,000 eye-witnesses reported seeing singer Beyonce…