Month: October 2013
Study: Looking at Spider Images Dramatically Increases Likelihood of Spider Encounter
ATLANTA, GA—Researchers at Georgia State University have found conclusive evidence that each time an individual looks at any image depicting a spider, the odds of one being nearby and currently approaching them “just skyrocket.”
Here are the Biggest Lies About Seatac Prop-One
This isn’t my fight. I’m new here, but I read up on it and I can’t even believe it’s up for debate. SeaTac should raise wages for airport workers for too many reasons to count, but what’s more, the reasons…
Specialty Themed Haunted Houses
In the latest craze to hit the Halloween crowd horror fans are creating Haunted Houses for very specific groups. Each is tailor made to scare the bone marrow out of their target audience. Democratic Party Horror House- Horrors of a…
Elderly Woman Sends Text Message
INDIANAPOLIS – An elderly woman became the talk of her family today after miraculously turning on a cellular phone and successfully typing, and then sending, a 23-word text message to her 18-year-old grandson. Maureen Hamilton, 84, is believed to have…
The Changes to European Club Rugby – Americans Indifferent
There are massive changes afoot in the world of Rugby Union. While there has been some agreement recently as to the future of the sport, there are still many obstacles to overcome. Following an 18-month impasse, the six unions involved…
Entire Population of Indiana Tired of This Sh*t
INDIANAPOLIS – Citing various factors, ranging from the lack of viable job opportunities to the general malaise of winter, the entire population of Indiana announced Saturday that it is so goddamn tired of this shit, adding: “really?”. Holy effing shart,…
Drunken Governor Sells Indiana Back to Native Americans
INDIANAPOLIS – Calling it the most regrettable legislative decision of his career, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels – apparently under the influence of alcohol – agreed to sell the entire state of Indiana back to the Native Americans Saturday. According to…
Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole
We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet. So let’s…
Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control
YORKTOWN – During the post-Christmas period, friends and relatives of local woman Angela Hartman today noted how, in the last year, the 38-year-old’s weight has spiraled worryingly under control. Insisting that Miss Hartman “looks as if she hasn’t eaten in…
Mega-Millionaire Ricky Gervais Sells Out Stephen Merchant
Ricky Gervais blessed the sitcom world with the creation of “The Office” and numerous other brilliant shows. But it seems he’s forgotten what made him great as he threw his longtime friend and comedy partner Stephen Merchant under the bus….