God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster Movies

HEAVEN – In what proved a serious concern for the International Community Saturday, unconfirmed sources described how His Lordship Almighty God has “really been getting into the disaster movie genre recently,” adding: “He’s watched Twister, like, 8 times in the last month.”

Even though disaster films are typically criticized for their lack of artistic merit, God keeps inviting other deities over to watch mindless popcorn thrillers that depict impending doom to various branches of the human race, said a spokesman.

“Just last night, The Almighty sat down and watched The Day After Tomorrow with a couple of His mythical buddies,” said the spokesman. “Upon viewing the scene where New York City gets completely frozen over, I think his words were “wow, that’s freaking awesome.””

“He even played the scene back three or four times.”

According to earlier reports, God is alleged to have uttered positive statements about the scene in the film Earthquake where the Mulholland Dam collapses, killing two central characters and a number of extras.

“Yes, He gets a real kick out of that part,” said another spokesperson. “He honestly gets so into these films that it’s starting to become an obsession. All the way through Twister, he kept asking: “how do they make that tornado look so realistic? I want to know. I want to know.”

Meanwhile, in a brief statement Saturday, God responded to speculation that the destructive tsunami that devastated eastern Japan last year was directly influenced by scenes in the film Deep Impact.

“Oh Dear Lord, no,” He said. “Last year, my movie-watching experience comprised largely of Adam Sandler comedies. The whole Japan thing came about because… well, because it was too cool not to come about.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.