Posted in Travel World News

‘Over 150 Survivors Were Trapped Inside The Titanic For Up To 5 Years,’ Claims Naval Expert

Woods Hole, MA – (SatireWorld.com) – After reviewing almost 5,000 digital photographs taken from inside the sunken luxury liner the Titanic, a Woods Hole scientist has concluded that there were survivors who lived inside the ship for up to five…

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Posted in Biz News Sports

Indianapolis Convention & Visitors Association Video Ties Indianapolis Colts

A music video that was produced by the Indianapolis Convention and Visitors Association, lost on Tuesday, November 29, officially tying the Indianapolis Colts’ current season record of no wins, all losses. The video, entitled “Indy Super Bowl Shuffle,” parodies a…

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Posted in Travel

Fiscal Cliff More Popular than Niagara Falls

It’s official. The Fiscal Cliff has overtaken Niagara Falls as America’s favorite tourist destination. District of Columbia Mayor Vincent Gray was delighted to announce that his city is home to the newest Washington attraction. “Given that we’ve got all those…

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Posted in Religionism

Economic Struggle Forces Mary, Joseph to Merge Christ’s B-day, Christmas Presents Into One

BETHLEHEM – Citing financial hardship amid the ongoing global economic downturn, Mary and Joseph – the parents of Jesus Christ – have conceded that they will have to merge their only son’s birthday and Christmas presents into one. After years…

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

Federal Warning Over Agressive Toys

This morning the federal government issued warnings to parents over toys that are currently being sold for the holiday season which may pose a potential harm to their families. The revised Furby animated toy has been identified in several dangerous…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Angus T. Jones Proves Sheen Wasn’t the Real Crazy

Erstwhile chubster and modern day mini-hunk Angus T. Jones, best known as the child Charlie Sheen molested on Two and a Half Men made waves this week when he turned on his handlers and devoured whole his own career. The…

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Posted in Politics

White House Agrees To Texas Secession, Perry Now King

In a surprising announcement late this evening, the White House announced it’s decision to let the state of Texas secede from the union. This was reportedly in response to the numerous signatures that were attached to a petition that was…

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Posted in Human Interest

Newspapers Sleep with the Fishes

MIAMI–Newspapers became unwitting casualties of Black Friday after holiday shoppers swore off traditional sales marketing to shop discounts by smartphone. “I got the paper once a week, on Sundays and only for the coupons,” said one early morning shopper. “No…

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Posted in Health

West Nile Death Toll Rises to 4,028 Mosquitoes

DRUID HILLS, GEORGIA – The latest report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that the death toll in the recent spread of West Nile’s disease has increased to more than 4,000 mosquitoes. More than half…

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Posted in Kidz Zone

Center of Universe Needs Diaper Changing

INDIANAPOLIS – The center of local couple Jeff and Angela Paulson’s universe needed its diaper changing Saturday, after defecating all over its Pampers slip-on. Even though it is routinely described as the “greatest thing in the world”, the multicellular organism…

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Posted in Strange People

Zombies Found Roaming Chain Stores Black Friday Weekend

Reports have been coming in from across the country of a rash of zombie-like masses rushing about specific chain stores in large communities in a feeding like frenzy. Zombieologists, a newly developed scientific category that specifically studies zomboid type manifestations…

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Posted in World News

Arafat’s Body Missing

Ramallah, Occupied West Bank – Scientists and legal experts from Switzerland, France and Russia were shocked today to discover Yassar Arafat’s body missing from his tomb in Ramallah. The international community struggled to come up with a theory about what…

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Posted in Talky Pictures

Local Man Pretty Sure He Has Seen Character Actor in Other Things

INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down to watch the 2009 film The Young Victoria with his wife Angela, local man Andrew Collins insisted that he definitely recognizes that one character actor from somewhere, but where? Not quite able to place where in…

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Posted in Human Interest

Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery

Eleven-year-old Olivia Miller of Gopher’s Gulch, Nebraska recently underwent delicate eye-reduction surgery in order to save her life. “We are all so grateful,” said Olivia’s mother. “For years, her eyes were bigger than her stomach and she insisted on putting…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

CIA Internal Advisory: Secure Communications Guidelines

Dear colleagues, In light of recent developments, we would like to advise all agency personnel about the use of certain communications channels and processes which may not be sufficiently secure. Please pay attention to the new guidelines below. 1. Don’t…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

Russia Press Reports UFO Debris Found In Siberian Forest

Otradnensky, Siberia – (SatireWorld.com) The 6-foot wide metal cylinder partially made of titanium steel was found near Otradnensky, a village two thousand miles from Moscow. Locals have labeled it as space junk, a UFO fragment, or the fuel tank of…

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Posted in Society

Glossy News Scoop: First Ever Interview w/ the One and only James Bond

Glossy News has succeeded in scoring the first ever interview with that icon of masculinity and daring do, that virile epitome of super secret spydom, that name that causes gorgeous women’s inner plumbing to contract in excited anticipation, the one,…

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Posted in Human Interest Opinion/Editorial

Marriage Tip: When Black Friday Shopping, Avoid Impulse Purchases

It started out innocently enough. My wife asked me to go to Costco because we were low on shampoo. Perhaps I should not have gone on Black Friday, when Costco had everything on sale. The second I breached the entrance…

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Posted in Biz News

Black Friday Leads To ‘Gotta Throw a Lot of Crap Out Yellow Tuesday’

The intense focus on post Thanksgiving retail selling initiated by Black Friday has now been one-upped by Walmart’s new play of starting specials on Thanksgiving night, thus luring people out of their homes on a major family holiday. It also…

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Posted in Politics

Exclusive Interview: Dean Chambers of UnskewedPolls.com

Today, GlossyNews.com has the unique opportunity to present an interview with Dean Chambers from UnskewedPolls.com. And yes, this is a real interview. For the sake of proof we asked Dean to provide a photo of himself, and what you see…

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