White House Agrees To Texas Secession, Perry Now King

In a surprising announcement late this evening, the White House announced it’s decision to let the state of Texas secede from the union.

This was reportedly in response to the numerous signatures that were attached to a petition that was submitted to the White House web site earlier this month. When a petition crosses the 25,000 signature mark, it warrants a response.

Right: Newly crowned King of Texas Rick Perry. Click to enlarge.

Spokesman Jay Carney stated, “We recognize the will of the people of Texas to self determination. While this can have a significant impact on many areas of the remainder of the country, we feel that to deprive them of following their desires would only cause additional friction between our administration and their nonsensical goals.”

Carney further stated, “The White House has been in contact with former governor Perry, now King Perry, and have offered our assistance in helping to protect their country from the inevitable invasion that they will face from the south.”

The office of the newly crowned King made only a brief statement to the press prior to instituting a full press black out, “While we transition from a democratic form of government to one that will be more fitting for those folks within our new country who have really shown initiative and grown our economy, we will do all that is in our power to prevent as many of you from leaving as our border patrol is capable of confining.”

This story is quickly developing and there has been no response at this time from the United Nations. There have been reported military movements in northern Mexico that appear to be designed to prevent illegal immigration from the country of Texas into their sovereign territory.

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9 comments on “White House Agrees To Texas Secession, Perry Now King

  1. Ya you yanks keep saying that whatever makes you happy. When our nation comes back you won’t be laffing your happy little self off any more…

  2. }}} the electoral map would be hopelessly unwinnable for the red team for at least a decade, though likely longer.

    Brian, you blueboys keep telling yourself that. The moment The One got re-elected, a nuclear Iran (pronounce that however you want to) became a certainty within a few more years. And the moment Iran uses its first weapon, which won’t take long, the country will shift quickly back to a strong GOP. No one wants a dithering mouse of a Democrat in office during wartime. Even your lapdog media won’t keep you going then.

    }}} The South is chock full of big hair, excluding Florida of course, which is chock full of snow hair.

    I got news for you — that image of Florida hasn’t been accurate since the 60s. There’s more major babeage in Florida than there is in any other state except Texas and California. Go look at the birthplace of the last three decades of Playboy Playmates. Florida is home base for a large number.

  3. @Billy “Ya you yanks keep saying that whatever makes you happy. When our nation comes back you won’t be laffing your happy little self off any more…”
    Back from WHERE? Where do you think America is right now? The economy is on the mend. Our reputation in the world is greatly improved. Personal liberty is at an all-time high. You say you want the country back, but some of us are still using it. We’re taking the country forward.

    @Smock Puppet “Brian, you blueboys keep telling yourself that. The moment The One got re-elected, a nuclear Iran (pronounce that however you want to) became a certainty within a few more years. And the moment Iran uses its first weapon, which won’t take long, the country will shift quickly back to a strong GOP.”
    And what about when that DOESN’T happen? The pundits made that argument four years ago, that Iran would have and use a bomb any minute, but that didn’t happen.

    So what when Iran DOES NOT nuke Israel. Then will you agree that we live in a different world than you thought, and maybe those conservative ideals you hold so dear are perhaps a bit antiquated and irrelevant in the modern world?

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