Month: July 2012
Copyright Take-Down: Mount Olympus Forced to Change its Name in Honor of London 2012
LONDON–The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come…
Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse
LONDON, UK – The British Home Office has revealed that, owing to a contractual oversight, the event security force for the 2012 Olympics – which opens in London this Friday – has been downgraded to a single horse called Shadow….
Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics
Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal…
Olympic Opening Ceremony Rife w/ Offensive British Stereotypes
The home fans seemed pretty upset by the float car with giant, bad teeth, belching green fog indicating bad breath. The Bobby mascots endlessly chasing cartoonish burglars because they have no guns really touched a sore point too. Worst of…
Opening Ceremonies to Switch to ‘Hunger Games’ Format
LONDON – The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today announced plans to dramatically alter the usual format of the Opening Ceremonies, moving away from the traditional vibe of peace and goodwill and opting instead for a Hunger Games-style fight to the…
Diet Craze “Famine” Sweeps Hollywood, 3rd World
Madonna has returned from her latest trip to Africa with a new celeb ‘famine’ diet. Always looking for a way to stay in shape Madonna, 53, has been following a new diet that will dramatically lower body fat, bone density and muscle….
Rob Portman Takes Over Romney Campaign While Romney in London
The GOP has seized its chance to finally rid itself of Mitt Romney as their presumptive Presidential candidate. Just minutes after Romney’s plane was supposedly landing in London, GOP Chairman Reice Priebus announced on CNN that Ohio Senator Rob Portman…
As Olympics Open Michael Phelps Tests Positive for Performance-Enhancing Arms
BALTIMORE, MD – The world of athletics was left stunned Tuesday after the announcement that 14-time Olympic gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps has tested positive for performance-enhancing arms. The world renowned swimmer, who won eight gold medals at the 2008…
Tally Ho: Preview of the London 2012 Summer Olympics
LONDON ENGLAND – 27 July, 2012 – Reuters Newswire The 2012 London Summer Games have officially begun. The breathtakingly beautiful new venue known as London Olympic Stadium (scheduled to be completed just in time for the 2016 Summer Games in…
Exclusive interview with Chase CEO Jaime Dimon
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JP MORGAN CHASE CEO JAIME DIMON by Derisive Duck senior business editor. Derisive Duck: “Mr. Dimon, may I call you Jaime?” Dimon: “No.” DD: “Please explain to our readers, Mr. Dimon, how your bank could lose more…