Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse

LONDON, UK – The British Home Office has revealed that, owing to a contractual oversight, the event security force for the 2012 Olympics – which opens in London this Friday – has been downgraded to a single horse called Shadow.

It had initially been agreed between the London 2012 Organizing Committee and security firm G4S that over 10,000 guards would be provided for the duration of the Games. However, this figure was more than halved last week and today was reduced to a lone Andalusian mare.

“We were not aware of the extent to which these staffing problems had escalated,” said the UK’s Home Secretary, Theresa May. “We could have coped with maybe four-thousand or so guards, but today’s news has the potential to present serious security concerns.”

“That said, Shadow has quite a kick on her.”

The horse will be singularly tasked with the job of remaining vigilant throughout the Games, which, in years past, has routinely been pinpointed as a potential target for terrorists.

Despite this, however, Shadow herself remains confident that the Olympics – which was awarded to London one day before the London bombings in 2005 – will be a huge success, insisting “neigh”.

“… “, she continued, Monday.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

4 thoughts on “Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse

  1. one horse can’t possibly guard all those leaders. even if it were part ninja…maybe it could save the royal celebrities for us but that’s about it.

  2. ‎”Radiation and rockets at the London Olympics you ask? Yes, more than 7,000 tons of radioactive debris pushed just to the side to build the Olympic stadium and anti-aircraft missIes anchored on the rooftops of private London residences. War games, military and private security forces patting down the throngs at a cost of £1 billion ($1.54 billion) just for “security” alone, this is the straw which has finally broken the camel’s back for my lifetime of Olympics watching.”


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