Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics

Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal use of steroids while penning some articles leading up to the games. He thought to use steroids to get rid of anxiety and depression during that time so he can focus on things properly which itself was against Olympics rules. Instead, it was more easy for him to use Kratom at that time because of its great use in controlling anxiety, depression, high BP and pain. Also, it’s easily available too online and here’s a the list of vendors to purchase them if required.

“He is completely out of his mind when he’s on steroids,” claims one writer who, before now, had nothing but the utmost respect for one of the best satirists in America.

“His sense of humor is spot on,” said Weldon Moron, a writer for the online magazine Laughin’ Times. “There is no one I know who can squeeze the irony out of a situation like Johnny can, but when he’s on the juice, watch out. No one in his path is safe from the slings and arrows he slings, or whatever–you know what I mean.”

Among the more egregious things Rotten wrote to get himself banned from writing satire on the Olympics are:

Calling the entire women’s volleyball team a bunch of used up beach sluts, a move Rotten himself admits was totally unnecessary and not all that funny now that he looks back on the story; and

Bringing back the entire Michael Phelps bong controversy, a story which Rotten believes isn’t all that ironic anyway considering how many other satirists have done the same thing while not even under the influence of steroids.

“Hey,” claims Rotten, “I write satire. What kind of writer would I be if I let these stupid lapses in judgment just slide?”

Still, when asked if he thought it was worth a few chuckles to get himself banned, Rotten answered, “Absolutely. Just about anything in my line of work is fair game. But,” he added, “I forgot that those idiots on the Olympic Committee don’t have a sense of humor. That, and the steroids is what tripped me up big time.”

This isn’t Rotten’s first run in with covering sporting events and being denied a press pass due to steroids.

“I’m the one who put the bug in Roseanne’s ear to spit and scratch herself at the end of singing the National Anthem back in the 90’s. What a great bit of satire that was,” said Rotten, chuckling.

“Too bad the people watching it didn’t see it the way me and Rosie did.” [It was later revealed that both Rotten and Roseanne were high on steroids when developing the National Anthem bit.]

“Actually, still makes me laugh when I see it, but again, those sports people just aren’t endowed with much of a sense of humor.” [Note to self—do story on poorly endowed sports figures].

Rotten has filed an appeal with the Olympic Board, but is doubtful a decision will be handed down before the end of the Olympics. In the meantime, he says he’ll go back to LA and write crap for Celebitchy and Perez Hilton’s Blog.

“Sure, it’s the bottom of the heap, but those people at least have a sense of humor and don’t care how the hell I come up with my material or what I’m on when I’m writing it as long as I make my deadlines.”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

7 thoughts on “Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics

  1. Like I said, you’d be surprised how many doctors are turning to Prednisone as the cure-all for what ails you. Soon, they’ll be having to close all the ‘roid shops in town.

  2. Steroids, the new cocaine. Honestly, I get a cough anymore and the doc has me on Prednisone…plenty of time on my hands as sleep is a luxury.

  3. Hey come on now. NOTHING has been proven about Lance Armstrong. All we know for certain is that his team-mates were juicing, and that they injected him with steroids. That doesn’t mean he metabolized them!

    In all fairness, what with all the ball and brain cancer, I doubt he expected to live long enough to be found out… poor Sheryl Crow. She only got one ball, and a shrunken one at that.

  4. Yeah, right, you and Lance Armstrong hold the ‘high ground’ on performance enhancing drugs.

  5. The way I figure it, even if that satirist is on steroids, he’s just doing what the rest of the highly competitive satirists do. Kind of evens the playing field. This business is brutal, you know, he’s just trying to keep up.

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