Castro Warns of Nuclear War. Blames “Damn Kids on Lawn.”
HAVANA, Cuba – (GlossyNews) Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, delighted Cuba’s Parliament with his first public appearance in over four years. A strong, healthy, and vigorous Castro amazed Cuba’s leaders and the assembled press corps alike with his deep grasp of…
Apple Developing Drone Phones for Use While Driving
CUPERTINO, California – (Glossy News) Already iPhone 4 owners are being pulled over by the thousands and ticketed for using their new multi-tasking phones while driving, an illegal act in most states. Iphone 4 owners are complaining to Apple that…
God and Devil Near Reconciliation; Supergroup to Re-form
Reports indicate Lucifer and the Almighty One may be close to a rapprochement that could bring Satan back to Heaven in a yet undisclosed role. St. Mark, spokesman for the Heavenly press office, continues to state that Lucifer left of…
Remote Control Pets Deemed Nearer
Rashomon Technologies today announced that it is discontinuing field trials for “Good-Dog” due to the technology’s stunningly successful performance. The product’s target launch date is late 2011, contingent on royalty and licensing agreements with US veterinarians. RT CEO Kazuo Kurosawa…
Spontaneous Pot Combustion in Church Rectory Causes High Mass
WORCESTER, Massachusetts – (Glossy News) – Police and fire crews were called to Our Lady of Perpetual Forgiveness in Worcester, Massachusetts last Saturday evening when a church secretary called to report a strange smell emanating throughout the chapel where mass…
Satire Writers Threaten Strike After Working Slowdown Goes Unnoticed
In uncertain economic times, people facing unemployment and foreclosure often find it difficult to empathize with artists who suffer writers block. Such was confirmed in a recent study from the Pew Research Center. According to the results: 67 percent of…
The Mysterious, Dubious Disappearance of “The Far Side’s” Gary Larson
Mysterious was the disappearance of Gary Larson, the famed and beloved creator of the very popular cartoon series The Far Side. One day a successful, widely popular genius behind one of the world’s top selling daily cartoons, the next day…
Show Up For Work Naked, No One Cares Anymore
All you newly-graduated business college graduates, listen up. There is no longer a need to go out and spend a fortune on expensive power suits and dresses in order to look your best at that all-important job interview, if, in…
Oil Disaster Pummels Small Pennsylvania Town
GETTYSBURG, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — The latest in a series of disasters has humbled a small town in Northeastern, PA. Naticoke, Pennsylvania, which was well known in the their region for being a major coal mining town in the 1930’s, was…
Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death
STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of…