Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death

STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of their old workers had either starved to death or were homeless and couldn’t be found.

“It was surprising to us.” said Chief Investor Charles Fatbelly, speaking at the ‘Back On Top’ banquet for top Wall Street executives while munching on pheasant under glass. “I thought there was supposed to be a trickle down of some sort. Oh, well, we’ll just import some people from India.”

“I guess this will slow us down a bit” said Avarice Granger, a CEO attending the ‘Banks ‘R Us’ gala on a huge yacht off Grand Cayman Island. “Perhaps it is a hidden blessing as many of them would be too emaciated or frostbitten to work anyway. It will be hard to get new workers from Central America and train them to be smart enough to handle complex money situations even though they themselves will never experience more than survival wages in their lives.”

J.C. Moneypenny of Kentucky Fried Muck – “How inconsiderate of them to die off like that! After all, how are we to get things going again without someone to do the crap work that we won’t do? It’s hard to find someone smart enough to do the work yet dumb enough not to ask for better wages or conditions.”

On a plus side for the economy, fertilizer companies are able to use the dead bodies in their processing and thereby save a lot on raw material.