Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language
The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons’ offices quicker than you can say “Se Habla Espanol?” No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third…
McCain To Run For President in 2044
Burning Candles, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain will launch another bid for the White House in 2044, and is “firmly committed to running a vigorous, full-steam ahead” campaign.
Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color
Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…
Woman Sues Gigolo for Nonperformance
Vail, Col – GlossyNews.com – Bernice J. Sommerstein has sued ski instructor and self-proclaimed gigolo, Brad Chadley, for failing to perform according to an oral agreement entered into following Sommerstein’s ski lesson on February 3, asking $250 in monetary damages…
London Rioters Disrupt Tea at the Ritz
Attendees at London’s plush Ritz Tearooms anticipating a quiet sojourn from the hustle and bustle of the city in order to discuss the cricket and deerstalking in the Highlands of Scotland almost choked on their crumpets as the Ritz was…
Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy
Losers around the world are waking up today to the sad realization that regardless of what they’ve been told in school and the workplace, the win-win scenario just doesn’t exist. “It’s a ploy,” said Winton Gardensalad from Montauk, NY. “I…
UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face
You might think the perfect proposal needs to involve a huge romantic gesture in a public place, but that’s just not true. Here’s what you need to consider, and how to plan the perfect marriage proposal for the love of…
Elizabeth Taylor: “Heaven Too Awkward”, After Running Into 5 Ex-Husbands
Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning. Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with…
Subsidi-Farm Ramps up Medical Marijuana Production to Fund Libyan War
Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running…
French Push For No-fly Zone; Are First To Airstrike Gaddhafi
Aren’t these the same French who everyone has been saying are military cowards? Aren’t they the same ones who went into Rwanda and put an end to the genocide there?