Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language


The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons’ offices quicker than you can say “Se Habla Espanol?” No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third language to go through the arduous process of weeks and weeks of studying tapes or attending language classes. The product is called “Nano-Second Language” or NSL, and they are expected to sell out within weeks.

NEWS: Useful Human Implants ACTUALLY EXIST!

The makers of the NSL brain implant first developed the product under a grant by the United States Department of Defense as a solution to the problem servicemen and women were having when being shipped overseas to the Middle East. “No one spoke Arabic which led to some serious misunderstandings between our military and that of the country our servicemen were stationed in,” says Dr. Lewis Lipps, chief engineer on the NSL project. “The NSL Arabic version will immediately resolve that issue and allow certain soldiers to communicate in countries such as Iraq, Afghanistan, even Libya with little to no problem,” said Lipps. A North Korean version, however, looks a little less likely as of now.

Asked how the nano-chip brain implant works, Lipps explained, “The NSL Arabic version, for instance, has a complete Arabic alphabet and dictionary with over 20,000 common words which are electronically translatable from English literally within nanoseconds. In a simple outpatient procedure, the NSL chip is implanted into the corpus callosum portion of the left side, or the language center, of the brain and activated.”

Dr. Lipps then showed illustrations of the procedure which is done through arthroscopic surgery. “As soon as a soldier thinks out the phrase he wants to say,” he continued, “he pushes a button that is also implanted discretely underneath the skin on the soldier’s upper left side of the head.” Dr. Lipps explained that when the soldier goes to speak, it appears he is tapping his head as if he is thinking of what to say, and voila, his words come out of his mouth in the language he has implanted. In this case, Arabic.

Initial test results indicate a 97.6% success rate on the battlefield and the nano-chip, unlike the less well-known penis brain, is already being used by many servicemen and women today. Now that the product has been tested and proven to be efficient in Arabic, a Mandarin Chinese model is being tested on businessmen from various industries who find it necessary to communicate in Chinese with their business counterparts in China. The NSL Chinese version should be available to the business world within two to three months.


Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

16 thoughts on “Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language

  1. Watch more American movies..seriously that’s how my fiance learned english..and now she uses the word fuck all the

  2. All you really need is one of those worm thingy’s from the book or movie Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy that you stick in your ear and it translates every language in the known universe for you. It works for me!

  3. I would only use them if I knew they couldn't invade my privacy or be used to track me etc..

    But I love this idea, learning a language sucks especially when you don't have a talent for it.

  4. that would be great if it is true
    would you be able to have more that one foreingn Language and would you be able to to write and read ?
    where can someone participate



  5. My native language is Farsi (persian). I live in the U.S. How can I have and use an English Nano-chip? Please let me know because I have big problem about English language.

  6. Sign me up for this improvement today. Although, it might be nice if the DOD added some additional combat knowledge to the chip that would better enable military personnel to break things and kill the enemy. Just do not add Wifi to it as a precaution again Beijing and Washington DC.

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