In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%

The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that stood out above the rest.

Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe Biden single-handedly increased the social equivalent of the GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by over eighty percent (narrowly nudging Quayle from the top spot).

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We have compiled an abbreviated version for you; a more complete list can be found at various sites like politicalhumor.about.com.

“Look at what they [Republicans] value, and look at their budget. And look what they’re proposing. [Romney] said in the first 100 days, he’s going to let the big banks write their own rules — unchain Wall Street. They’re going to put y’all back in chains.” –Joe Biden, speaking to a largely African-American audience in Danville, Va., Aug. 14, 2012

“My mother believed and my father believed that if I wanted to be president of the United States, I could be, I could be Vice President!” –Joe Biden, campaigning in Youngstown, Ohio, May 16, 2012

“I promise you, the president has a big stick. I promise you.” –Joe Biden, citing Theodore Roosevelt’s famous quote, “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” April 26, 2012

“His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she’s- wait- your mom’s still- your mom’s still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul.” –Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is very much alive, Washington, D.C., March 17, 2010

“I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now. … When one person sneezes it goes all the way through the aircraft. That’s me. I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway.” –Joe Biden, providing handy tips to protect against the swine flu, “Today Show” interview, April 30, 2009

“You know, I’m embarrassed. Do you know the Web site number? I should have it in front of me and I don’t. I’m actually embarrassed.” –Joe Biden, speaking to an aide standing out of view during an interview on CBS’ “Early Show,” in the midst of encouraging viewers to visit a government-run Web site that tracks stimulus spending, Feb. 25, 2009

“If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30% chance we’re going to get it wrong.” –Joe Biden, speaking to members of the House Democratic caucus who were gathered in Williamsburg, Va., for their annual retreat, Feb. 6, 2009

“Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.” –Joe Biden, Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008

“When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.” –Joe Biden, apparently unaware that FDR wasn’t president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008

“Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya.” –-Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008

“A man I’m proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America!” –Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Barack Obama after being announced as his running mate, Springfield, Ill., Aug. 23, 2008

“A successful dump!” –Joe Biden, explaining his whereabouts (dropping deadwood at the dump) to the reporters outside his home, Wilmington, Del., Aug. 20, 2008

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” –Joe Biden, referring to Barack Obama at the beginning of the 2008 Democratic primary campaign, Jan. 31, 2007

“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.” –Joe Biden, in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June, 2006

Upon reviewing the very impressive list, Biden remarked (with a tinge of sadness) that it would have been much bigger if they had only given him the opportunity. And after being questioned about certain racially charged statements, Biden responded with the well-established truism: “Everyone knows it’s not racism if it comes from a Democrat.”

Editor’s Note: Only that last one about racism was made up… the rest are all good ol’ Joe.

Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

2 thoughts on “In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%

  1. I love ol’ Joe. He genuinely lightens any news cycle with the bizarre things that just fall out of his mouth. Has he even heard himself talk?

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