Search Results for: newt gingrich
Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)
“If at first you don’t succeed, try again.” Radical-Left-Wing-Ideologues™ Zizek/Beckett agree: “Try again, fail again, fail better.” Yes, FoxCon(n) FoxNews, I mean ACTUAL far-left-ideologues… As distinguished from, say, Newt Gingrich/Ed Miliband/Pope Francis. Still, Lefties-Gonna-Left, but Our Jeb…
Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (II)
Last time, I brought you Rush Limbaugh’s noble and courageous plan to deliver our kids from Hard-Left-Socialist-Indoctrination™. However, it is said by some that not all right wing or left wing people think alike. Hence, in the interests of media…
Dems/Reps Concoct “Jefferson Bible” Sequel
Believe it or not, Thomas Jefferson’s famous pick-and-mix assortment of Godly Greatest Hits, known as the “Jefferson Bible,” isn’t all that, nowadays; not even to the GREATEST CHRISTIAN AUTHORITIES OF ALL™… Well, Ted Haggard never mentioned it in Jesus Camp,…
The Republican Three-Ring Circus of Sub-Partisan Freaks
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome under the Republican big top and prepare to be entertained by the incredible performers of Boehner Brothers (formerly Hastert & Boehner), America’s premier political circus. I’m John Boehner, your…
Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings
WASHINGTON D.C. – Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party – which comprises some of his most…
Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy
CAMBRIDGE – A new policy ratified by Harvard Law School will ensure that admissions officers do not discriminate against candidates on account of their stupidity. The fresh statute includes a clause which says “No heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, genderfluid or transfag…
Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies
Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College. According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on…
Humorist Admits to Banned Substances, Lying, Coverup
[Tim Jones is a regular contributor to Glossy News and has his own humor blog called View from the Bleachers. In a shocking press conference, Jones admitted to using banned performance-enhancing substances to help him write his column. Below are…
2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June
As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that…
Famous Americans Share Thanksgiving Messages of Gratitude
Glossy News interviewed famous Americans this past week, asking them “What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?” Here is a holiday gift basket of inspirational messages from some of our nation’s most illustrious, America-loving Americans. Ann Romney, wife of…