Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies

Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College.

According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on the program online soon after losing the 2008 presidential election alongside John McCain.

Due to her conservative credentials, Palin had about thirty percent of the 72 units required for the doctorate waved, giving her a head start in the program.

When she resigned in 2009, an additional ten credits were knocked off in light of what faculty members saw as “A brave act for her faith and American family values.”

After several years of work on her 104-page thesis, which is entitled, Dire Straits: Obamacare’s Threat to Israeli National Security and Family Values in Georgia, Palin successfully defended before a graduate committee including Newt Gingrich and was granted the title of “Dr.”

Swamped by a mob of Katie Couric clones at the graduation ceremony, Palin could barely keep herself from smiling.

“Today is a great Monday. And Tuesday comes after that.”

When asked by the Courics whether she will run for president in 2016, the governor responded, “Providing Obama hasn’t declared himself dictator-for-life yet, maybe-kinda-probably-I don’t know.”

In what some see as a sign that Obama sees Palin as a legitimate threat to his dictatorship, the White House sent her a $5 gift card to Mickey Donald’s.


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