Man Buys First CD in 12-Years; It’s Macklemore
Mock as you will, but first consider that the man in question is me, and I literally haven’t bought a CD in 12 years. Why the hell would I? I’m not saying I’m a pirate, because I’m not. Perhaps I’ve…
Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War
WASHINGTON – Several leading economists have recently called for war as the best means to solve the world’s six-year old economic crisis. Nobel-nominated economist Karl Strauss of the University of Chicago stated: “War is the time-honored cure for economic stagnation.”…
Congress Gets Unusually Creative In Its Ways Of Kicking Down Obama
Just when you would think that Congress (aka Republicans) could not get any more creative in their undermining of just about every move that Obama makes they come with something that leaves you aghast that they actually do possess some…
“Bibi, stop bombing or we’ll cut your bullets,” Obama Tells Netanyahu
Gaza, an open-air prison? Israel’s $3 billion-a-year welfare check threatened? America scolds Israel? STOP THE PRESS!!! A leaked White House transcript of a heated phone-call earlier today reveals that US President Barack Obama told Israel’s Zionist Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu…
Satire Writer Reveals How to Get the Most From Your $100 Hotel Stay
With hotel prices rising and personal income dropping, satire writer NickFun has revealed some clever ways to get the most ‘bang for your buck’ from your hotel stay. “It’s actually pretty easy to get back or even make money from…
Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf
There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation. The golfer in question is a…
Malysian Air Shoots MH17 Down in Bold Strategy to Forget All About MH370
Just when you’ve seen enough out of the Malaysian people, this crazy stuff happens. Malaysian Airline MH17 was shot down, forced to make a crash landing in the Ukraine, killing off passengers by the dozens. It’s a surprise no middle…
Sharknado: The Second One Bites
I have to admit, I liked the first Sharknado. It was so unpretentiously bad with an overtly self-mocking flavor, it was easy to just sit back and enjoy the total disregard for logic. When they announced a sequel, I exercised…
This Old Man Arrested On Ten Counts of Child Molestation
72 year old Gunther Schnell was arrested this afternoon for 10 counts of child sexual molestation after it was revealed he was performing “knick knack” on various parts of children’s bodies. “Currently we have ten victims”, said arresting officer John…
Billionaire Fantasizes About Teleporting, Reading Minds
REDWOOD CITY, CA — While waiting for board members of his multinational corporation to convene, Oracle founder Larry Ellison reportedly daydreamed about possessing superpowers. “Can you imagine how amazing it would be to teleport anywhere with a single thought?” mused…