72 year old Gunther Schnell was arrested this afternoon for 10 counts of child sexual molestation after it was revealed he was performing “knick knack” on various parts of children’s bodies.
“Currently we have ten victims”, said arresting officer John Schmidt. “It would appear Mr. Schnell performed this atrocity on everything from a little girls thumb to the sexual organs of both boys and girls”.
It would appear Schnell kept the children quiet by threatening to “paddy whack” them if they told their parents. He even kept his dog quiet by giving him a bone after the dog witnessed each encounter.
The first victim, a 5 year old gitrl, said Schnell said he played knick knack for several hours on her thumb.
Schell’s fifth victim revealed he played “knick knack on her hive” which would indicate her vagina.
The sixth victim was a little boy who stated that Schnell played “knick knack on my stick”, indicating his penis.
Law enforcement authorities say Schnell may be facing up to 30 years behind bars which, given his age, will probably mean life.
“If he gets out of prison alive we can rest assured this old man will be in a wheelchair and come rolling home!” said officer Schmidt.