Man Buys First CD in 12-Years; It’s Macklemore

Mock as you will, but first consider that the man in question is me, and I literally haven’t bought a CD in 12 years. Why the hell would I?

I’m not saying I’m a pirate, because I’m not. Perhaps I’ve had some pirate-adjacent tendencies since the advent of every program that emerged in the wake of Napster’s shutdown.

First of all, the word “piracy” is nonsense. It’s a propaganda term made up by those who stand the most to gain by stopping it. A literal pirate takes your goods, scuttles your ship and perhaps kills you. Music pirates share copies of things they likely wouldn’t buy in the first place.

It’s like if high seas pirates came aboard, made a catalog of what you have, and left with your lives and property intact. No, it’s more like they did it remotely without you even knowing they were there in the first place.

I don’t pirate. There’s no need to pirate anymore. You’ll notice all the headlines about piracy are about films, and not so much about music. Music is easily had on agreeable terms. There’s very little reason to pirate it.

When I want music of a particular flavor, I use or If I want to hear a particular music track, I go to YouTube, where all the rights owners wisely make nearly all of their content available for view.

In theory, I’m watching ads on YouTube, whether I actually am or not is secondary. I get the music I want on my terms and there’s no need to pirate.

But what about Macklemore?

Even though I haven’t bought a CD in over a decade, that’s not to say that I haven’t supported artists I love the most. I’ve bought tracks and albums from the likes of Julia Nunes, Jonathan Coulton, Molly Lewis and too many more to even mention.

Having watched all the music videos from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, I’m sold. I headed straight to Amazon and bought my copy. It might take a few days to get here, but I don’t care. My geriatric hoopti still has a CD player, and you can bet it’s going in there as the default music for whenever the radio just can’t deliver.

And Macklemore, if you’re reading this (and I know you aren’t,) it was your tribute to the incomparable Dave Niehaus that sealed the deal. Give props or GFTO.

Author: Brian K. White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

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