Category: Society
Judge Rejects 17-Year-Old Drunk Driver Affluenza Defense
A Texas judge threw out the Affluenza defense of a 16-year-old drunk driver today claiming the boy’s family did not make enough money to qualify for that defense. “I am sentencing this boy to three years in prison,” said Texas…
Second Horseman of The Apocalypse Holds News Conference
The Second Horseman of The Apocalypse held a rare news conference at his estate today, warning that the Apocalypse Alert level may have to be raised. The Second Horseman met with the reporters arrayed outside the gates of his secluded…
Creation Museum Sets Stupidly Low Bar w/ Non-Floating Ark
Ken Ham, while unclean in name only, continues to vie valiantly for the creation of a modern day Ark to prove once and for all that the book of Genesis was written as a literal and true historical account. But…
Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty
Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to…
Disease-Free Pee-Pee and Wee-Wee Bracelets Banned
I [Heart] Boobies bracelets are catching a lot of flak from adults who say their teen children shouldn’t be wearing them even if it is to promote a good cause, i.e. fighting breast cancer. And now, there are two other…
Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues
WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the…
Satanist Claims Satanist Not A Satanist
Lucien Graves, spokesperson and Grand Goat Master for the Horned and Cloven Hoofed Tabernacle went on record yesterday claiming accused “Craigslist Dexter Killer” Miranda Morgan was just a cheap poser and a hack. Morgan was arrested Monday in the killing…
Homophobic Man Struggles with his Fear
Dateline: New York—Morris Jenkins suffers from a debilitating fear of homosexuals, commonly called homophobia. When in the presence of gay people, he ceases to function. “I remember the first time the terror struck me,” he said. “I was at work…
Popular Orca Handling Preacher Dies From Whale Bite
Cult orca handler and rider Pastor Jamie Coots died early Friday morning after being bitten in half by a killer whale during a non sanctioned religious service at Sea World. The ardent Pentecostal minister preached whales will not harm true believers…
Slamming of ConDems ‘Highly Accurate’
Ministers last night applauded Britain’s leading Roman Catholic for being well-informed and on point. They praised Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols after he denounced government poverty creation schemes. Downing Street said David Cameron believes there is a moral case only…