Category: Science & Technologizzy
Microsoft to Build With 360s
At a surprise press conference yesterday, Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft Corporation, announced that the monopolistic software company, infamous for its various Windows operating systems, is erecting a new building at its headquarters in Redmond, Washington State. That was not…
Mars Rover Curiosity Discovers Triboob
Excited NASA staff make plans for a manned mission to Mars after the Mars rover returned its first series of results. It took 8 months to get there and a further 2 weeks to find anything of importance, but at…
Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan
New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up. New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference…
NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth
Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet. Many controversial…
Curiosity Killed the Rover
GALE CRATER, MARS – The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reported at a press conference this morning. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but…
Pop-up Ads Ruin Life in The Matrix
The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation. “And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead…
Martian Emperor: Hands off Our Water
MARTIAN EQUATOR – Following the successful landing of NASA’s Mars Rover early this morning, the President of Mars has released a statement to Earth’s leaders, insisting: “hands off our water or there will be consequences.” Speaking today from the planet’s…
$35 Dollar Computer? Why Not, & It’s Gaining Momentum
It’s been an extremely slow month for news with nothing interesting going on. I’ve heard things about a big sporting event taking place in London, an upcoming Presidential election, talks of some new third-world countries developing nuclear weapons, groups of…
Something Lewd And Disgusting Is Happening In Our Woods
There is a great and disgusting problem afoot and I would like to ask you, dear readers, to help me in the eradication of it. I would like to create a petition and get as many concerned Americans as possible…
Environmentalists Unite To Support Effing Fracking In California??? What The Frack?
A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle behind the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the new art of pumping chemical laden water back into an…