It’s been an extremely slow month for news with nothing interesting going on. I’ve heard things about a big sporting event taking place in London, an upcoming Presidential election, talks of some new third-world countries developing nuclear weapons, groups of people in Syria being profoundly grumpy, reports of Charlie Sheen being really, really stoned and paying more and more for sex, something about unemployment and gas prices, a bunch of protests going on in regards to random things and complaints about published writers using too many run-on sentences but it’s been very difficult to find something interesting and relevant to write about so I had to do some serious digging in order to beat a strict deadline imposed by the tyrannous senior executives at Glossynews.com.
While researching for a story that people may actually be interested in I contacted a very reliable and extremely knowledgeable source who works at the local WaWa.
I was tipped off in reference to an amazing story that has been sadly overlooked by the national media. The gentleman responsible for informing me of this exceedingly late breaking news has chosen to remain anonymous. I’ve talked to this man a few times and all that I even know about him is that his name is Marcus Halberstram and he lives above a bar named “Jizzers” in South Philadelphia, PA.
More important is the fact that there is now a new major player in the world computer industry. In the Spring of 2010 India unveiled a plan to offer computers priced at $35 for students. Details on the computers’ complete functionality are expected to be released within the next couple of months or so but I was able to gather exclusive information that I am willing to share if someone pays me for this article. Many monotonous minutes of research have enlightened me on some particulars about this new super-product.
The design of this cutting edge invention very closely resembles that of a traditional American typewriter. The computer has large raised keys connected to a complex, scientifically analyzed mechanism and allows such functions as: typing, the ability to hold up to four pieces of typing paper, a hand crank to power the device (keeping it energy efficient) and it even comes with a free pen-sized flashlight for nighttime work. The computer packages are being shipped with two pieces of typing paper included. Additional pieces will be priced at twenty-five cents each.
Reports have shown that thirty-five U.S. dollars is the approximate median monthly income for a large multitude of Indian citizens (I believe that this converts to around four hundred thousand Rupies, but I’m really not sure). At this price, many Indian consumers are calling it a “steal” and I’m also told that a large number of said citizens are already organizing plans for stealing thousands of these computers from the delivery rickshaws when they are released to the public.
While there still may be more features revealed in the upcoming months before the computers go on sale, there have already been reports leaked regarding auxiliary options for future upgrades. For an additional $1500 owners of the computer can add a monitor (with backlight), a hard drive to store information, full functionality for homes with electricity and the rights to use email.
This is a wonderful development for India and I’m positive that this phenomenal product will be on every Indian child’s Autumn wish list. In other, less relevant news I’ve been informed that India apparently has a ton of nuclear warheads and they do not like ignorant Americans poking fun at their country. I ask everyone to please keep the comments respectful.