Environmentalists Unite To Support Effing Fracking In California??? What The Frack?

A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle behind the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the new art of pumping chemical laden water back into an underground fissure that has already had the oil removed from it.

The fracking forces existing fissures wider allowing companies to remove more oil. Unintentionally the chemical water used has often been showing up in drinking water afterwards. Not to mention that there have been mysterious earthquakes occurring up in places following the fracking where earthquakes have never been before.

The strange new development is that there are now some environmentalists who WANT fracking done in Central and Southern California. That’s correct, you have read that right- there are some ENVIRONMENTALISTS who WANT FRACKING done in CALIFORNIA (ie. THE LAND OF HIPPIES, LIBERALS AND ALL THINGS CONSIDERED UNGODLY AND COUNTER AMERICAN (except Ronald Reagan of course)).

That is the equivalent of Jesus Christ wanting strippers at the Last Supper. In fact, members of the Sierra Club itself are not only requesting, but demanding the fracking.

The strangeness of this demand from the most political of green organizations has prompted a number of private investigators into checking into the situation. Strange revelations resulted. Uncovered was a dastardly plot by the environmentalists to sell oil leases on land all along the San Andreas Fault line.

As investigators dug deeper they realized to their horror that the perpetrators wanted the fracking to cause an earthquake that would dump all of Los Angeles into the Pacific Ocean. It turns out that the environmentalists, normally expressly against all forms of environmental pollution, realized that if they appeared to give in a little, they could appeal to the greed of the oil companies and in the process get rid of California’s biggest environmental disaster- the city of Los Angeles.

The sordid web went ever deeper. It was exposed that all of rural Central and Southern California was sick of the way LA was lording over them and buying up all their open land to gain water rights. They saw sending LA to the bottom of the sea as a plus element for California, giving it a watery resting place just like the legendary lands of Atlantis and Mu.

The investigators, astounded by their discoveries, nonetheless kept their information under wraps. As shocked as they were, they agreed that it was a case of justifiable sabotage and promptly began buying up land along where they estimated the new Pacific beachfront would be.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/

7 thoughts on “Environmentalists Unite To Support Effing Fracking In California??? What The Frack?

  1. I would but the Oil Cartel would kill me. But on the corner of 5th and main is a trashcan. Between 5:30 and 5:35 there be a Mcdonald’s bag in there full of corporate secrets…leave the laptop be. It’s a decoy.

  2. In a nutshell, those chemicals each do something specific. Plain water doesn’t do anything. same reason you have really solid, durable plastics with bisphenol A in them. plastics are full of more toxic chemicals than you’ll ever find in fracking fluids…except for the corrosion inhibitors but you can’t have everything. and ya’ll still love plastics, right? right? so don’t get me started on the toxic metals in your iPod, iPhone, laptop, etc. chemical ignorance is truly bliss. it’s the only way I can sleep at night.

  3. Why can’t they frack with less toxic substances? What’s wrong with fracking with just water, or even salt water? Pumping all those chemicals down there is simply going to end in disaster.

    Too much focus on short term profit. No thought for real world consequences.

  4. I live in Washington. We have no natural gas. I get none of the down-side, and all of the up-side (cheap natural gas to heat my poorly insulated ol’ cracker box*) and I’m still deeply concerned about the impacts of fracking.

    * yes, I just called myself a cracker.

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