Alleged Faked Photographs Challenge Credibility Of Wildlife Photographer Of The Year Awards


London’s Natural History Museum has been forced to rethink the entry requirements for its Wildlife Photographer of the Year awards.

Once again, a prizewinning entry has been subsequently disqualified. That image, entered in the 2017 competition and called The Night Raider, depicts an anteater near a termite mound in Brazil. Read more Alleged Faked Photographs Challenge Credibility Of Wildlife Photographer Of The Year Awards

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WHAT?! Putin Accuses UK Gov Of Satirical, Russian Double Agent Murder In Moscow


The Kremlin has angrily accused the British Government of assassinating an ex-MI6 double agent, resident in Moscow.

Alexei Smithski was crushed to death last week when a large, trapezoidal, cast iron weight, labelled ‘10 Tons’ fell on his head. Moscow has strongly asserted that the manner of the death conclusively implicates the British Government. Read more WHAT?! Putin Accuses UK Gov Of Satirical, Russian Double Agent Murder In Moscow

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Running, As A Spectator Sport, Is Boring, Concedes Chair of British Olympic Association

Sir Hugh Robertson, Chair of the British Olympic Association, today conceded that running, as a spectator sport, is boring. Read more Running, As A Spectator Sport, Is Boring, Concedes Chair of British Olympic Association

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Jeremy Corbyn Gaining Increased Support From Most Sectors Of British Society

Recent surveys of UK public opinion have consistently confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn is increasingly gaining support from most sectors of British society.

Several major political thinktanks have urgently addressed themselves to understanding the reasons behind this surprise phenomenon. Read more Jeremy Corbyn Gaining Increased Support From Most Sectors Of British Society

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Damage Limitation – The Essential Checklist For Senior Managers

There comes a day in the life of many top executives, both in the public and private sectors, when aspects of professional conduct within their organisations are exposed and interpreted by the media and public in an irrationally negative light.

Entirely normal, routine and reasonable organisational behaviour seems to periodically attract accusations such as: fraud, greed, contempt for financial regulations, a cavalier disregard for the interests of one or other sector of society – or even a total avoidance of laws in general.

Most irritating and perplexing for the poor managers subjected to such scurrilous and unjust allegations is that claims are not simply made by the ill-informed, little people. Ordinary losers cannot, after all, be expected to understand normal organisational affairs at a senior level. In addition to these plebs, simplistic, misinformed and unreasonable criticisms are frequently levelled by regulatory bodies, public enquiries, the courts, and governments.

It is of absolutely no use to respond to such institutions by pointing out that they are being stupid and pedantic and do not understand your organisation or the real world – true though this may be, it would simply provoke further antagonism.

The following checklist has therefore been devised by those with prior experience to assist senior executives when they find themselves in such an unfortunate and unenviable position.

The notes below recommended key actions and public statements for each stage of the witch hunt that an unfortunate, misunderstood top manager might have to endure.

1 – Alleged issue first exposed in a manner that cannot be ignored:

*Say that you are taking the allegations very seriously indeed.
*Immediately and strenuously deny any personal wrongdoing.
*Promise a full internal enquiry.
*If anyone has been obviously physically harmed or killed, say that safety is your number one priority.
*Stress that the customer (or service user or whoever) always comes first.
*Argue that an independent enquiry is totally unnecessary and that you are in the best position to identify the factors that may have led to misunderstandings about the matters alleged.
*Make plans to transfer as much money as possible to your untraceable, offshore accounts.
*Check expiry date of passport.

2 – Sufficient evidence of the alleged issue has emerged to make a blanket denial no longer credible:

*Say that you are appalled by what has happened and that you are determined that there should be a full and transparent process to uncover where mistakes have been made.
*Welcome any police investigation, and say that you will cooperate fully with it.
*Welcome any independent enquiry, and express certainty that your honesty and integrity will be vindicated.
*Practise looking sincere in a mirror before attending any parliamentary committee.
*Behave in relation to all questioning as if your organisation is a car that has mysteriously developed a fault. You just happened to have been driving it at the time, but you are as amazed and bewildered as any layperson about what caused the problem.
*Never try to blame anyone else, however junior, or they will point the finger back at you. Remember that a lot of your staff knew exactly what was going on. Continue to adopt, therefore, the attitude that any alleged irregularity simply arose in a mysterious, unexpected way and, as such, blame could never be attributed.
*Transfer as much money as possible to your untraceable, offshore accounts.
*Check extradition arrangements with the countries to which you might leave in a hurry.

3 – Alleged issue proven:

*Say that the final official judgement on your organisation’s behaviour was a deeply humbling experience (the Murdoch gambit – as it has come to be known).
*Admit that mistakes had been made.
*State that lessons will be learned.
*Double check that your personal assets are quite separate from any corporate funds that may be required to pay fines or compensation.
*Keep your head down for a few months until everyone has forgotten about the matter – or until another innocent colleague in a different organisation has become the victim of a similar hysterical feeding frenzy by the media, the public and official bodies.

4 – After the dust has settled:

*Simply carry on exactly as before until faced with any new set of scurrilous and unjust accusations – after all, why should you change your behaviour? You did nothing at all wrong.

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UK Public Increasingly Reluctant To Express Ill-informed Opinions

An increasing number of people in the UK are declining to express definite opinions when asked about complex issues of which they know little.

TV journalists first began to detect this phenomenon in early 2017 when undertaking random street interviews. Read more UK Public Increasingly Reluctant To Express Ill-informed Opinions

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President Trump Trashes Oval Office

White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office.

‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’

‘He was beside himself with fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals,’ said one aide, ‘in which three judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle court ruling that halted the president’s ban on US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim, countries.’

During his rampage, the president was reported to have screamed: ‘I’m the goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I like; have friends for sleepovers when I want; stay up late; look at whatever I want on the Internet; demonise any group of people I don’t like, and do anything else I damn well please. I can, I can, I can, I can!!!’

‘He was inconsolable for many hours,’ added Doris Hoover, the cleaner employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. ‘When he’d stopped stamping his feet and banging on the walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I was real cross with him at first as it’s gonna take me ages to get the room right again. I then felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He couldn’t understand why “so called God” had let “so called judges” in “so called courts” be so horrid to him.’

Greta Mindstein, a leading US psychologist, has pointed out that, although alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a normal developmental phase. ‘Usually, however,’ Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, ‘this stage tends to have passed by the age of five or six – and certainly long before a person is eligible to become president of the United States. It’s an effect of what Freud called “infantile narcissism”‘ she clarified, ‘and derives from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance that many very young children develop from their natural tendency to see themselves as the centre of their universe.

‘Rational grown-ups placing boundaries on such behaviour,’ Ms Mindstein continued, ‘is part of a learning process. In the case of the president, the recent constraint on his behaviour – and others that will inevitably occur in the near future – should ultimately be internalised as he progresses towards emotional maturity.’

A senior presidential advisor has confirmed that the president has begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is looking forward to going to the park to play baseball with his friends and then having his favourite burgers for supper.

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Glossy News Accused of Balanced, Factually Accurate Reporting

The government and media have angrily accused Glossy News of publishing well researched, balanced and factually accurate articles.

‘This is a total disgrace,’ passionately screamed a representative of the National Union of Journalists. ‘Glossy News is respected for its spoof news stories. We expect fake news from its writers. Some of what it’s publishing now is, well, just plain wrong.’ Read more Glossy News Accused of Balanced, Factually Accurate Reporting

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Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

Activists from the EU referendum Remain Campaign are continuing with plans to pursue criminal prosecutions for many of those who voted to leave the EU.

‘We do not wish to be divisive or retaliatory,’ said a spokesman for the activists, ‘but advice from our legal team confirms that many Brexit voters may be guilty of negligence – and some may be guilty of treason. We believe it to be our public duty to bring these unspeakable criminals to justice.’ Read more Brexit Voters To Face Prosecution

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