Posted in Sports Sports Events

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and…

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Posted in Politics

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obama’s “lame” Supreme Court ploy?

Announcer: As we’re all aware, a president’s appointment of a Supreme Court judge is subject to the approval of the Senate. If the Republicans gain control of the Senate in November, and, if, as a result, Justice Ginsburg decides to…

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Posted in Religionism

God Finds Message from All Humanity in Cucumber, Fanatics Outraged

It’s often asserted that messages from God can appear in mysterious places… You know, the Madonna popping up in cheese sandwiches, Lady Gaga helping us see the light, Bible/Quran/Dianetics texts being found in the veins of tomatoes… Although admittedly, the…

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Posted in Biz News Health

Busy Tech Execs Boost Productivity, Put Children On Ice

When LaShonda Martinez’s boss first offered to freeze her three-year-old son, the programmer was aghast. “I was all like, you want to do what? But then, once they explained themselves, I was all like, yeah, maybe.” In light of recent…

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Posted in Politics War Zone

Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree on Something… Unfortunately

The UN Council, sick of the never ending strife in Israel between the Jews and the Arabs, came up with a novel idea for mediating a lasting truce. They employed Buddhists to act as peacekeepers. The Buddhist faith, probably among…

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Posted in Politics Religionism

Rep/Dem Hawks Approve “Moderate Islamist” Manifesto

Frustrated by what they perceive to be the dogmatism both of liberal or secular Muslims on the one hand, and hardcore political Islamists on the other, various factions of moderate political Islamism have released a joint solidarity statement. The statement…

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Posted in Technology

Self-Driving Electric Cars will Soon Be Free, If You Can Afford One

When I add “self-driving” to “electric car”, you may envision a double-unicorn, but these beasts of legend are right around the corner, and they will be damn near free, assuming you can afford one. Elon Musk has announced that “The…

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Posted in Religionism

“Patronising Liberal Pastor” Calls Jesus “Inspiring”

Last time, I reminded you how much a certain kind of patronising crap about “inspirational” underdogs and under-non-dogs is now big business. Well, now it’s even infected kinda-normal-and-sensible-within-reason religious circles™. That’s right; worshipers at a somewhat moderate/mainline Church™ in Colorado…

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Posted in Crime Human Interest

Ruse of Young Border Crossers Successful for Drug Cartels

Suspicions have arisen lately that the recent spate of Latin children coming across the southern U.S. border were no spontaneous occurrence. Darker implications have revealed themselves. “The operation was a total success!” states Juan Cokefetcher, middle manager for the Headchoppers…

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Posted in War Zone World News

ISIS: The Autistic Brother of Al-Qaeda

ISIS: The world’s number one autistic brainchild, the same one which refused to continue living with his older brother, Al-Qaeda, is now in some deep trouble with the United States and Russia. After beheading a journalist in the lands of…

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Posted in Television

“Autistic Savants Inspiring,” Says Cable TV Diversity Pimp

Surprisingly, it just so happens that crappy low-budget cable shows have given in to the perpetual “progressive pressure” that is self-indulgently and self-promotingly applied by a certain variety of limousine-liberal, ivory-tower benefactor known as a “diversity expert.” Yes: the PC…

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Posted in Education Kidz Zone

Libraries- The Great Whores Of The Literary World

There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a ‘library’ and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and…

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Posted in Human Interest

Pittsburgh: 3 So. Oakland Buildings Improved In Atwood Street Fire

PITTSBURGH — The Pittsburgh Fire Department was called late last night to a three-alarm blaze on Atwood Street that, according to onlookers, “greatly improved at least three of the buildings.” While the South Oakland inferno itself enveloped a swath containing…

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Posted in Politics

“Yucky World” w/ Dick and Janey: Pro-choice Advocates Changing Tactics

Announcer: “National Review”, in its August 25th edition, noted that abortion rights supporters “are abandoning the label ‘pro-choice’.” However, NR goes on to note, a “sure substitute for ‘pro-choice’ has yet to emerge…” (p.10) Georgia Ohwell, a pro-abortion activist, has…

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Posted in Sports Sports Scandals

Redskins Rebranded

To settle the festering controversy over the name of the Washington, D. C. football team – the Redskins – the team announced today that they are changing their logo to a red skinned potato. This allows the team to continue…

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Posted in Crime Gadgets & Gizmos

American secret agents exposed by phone app?

A stunning announcement was made at a secret hacker conference last month to little fanfare. An app was made available for the Android or IPhone platform that exposes the secret agents working for America’s top secret organizations. Called “Find my…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

GOP Has Perfected Bush/Cheney Clone to Take Over 2016 Election

Republican geneticists have succeeded in their long term project to clone George W. Bush and Dick Cheney into a composite entity to enter into the 2016 Presidential elections. This modern Frankenstein, born in a petrie dish and reared in secret,…

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Posted in Politics

“Yucky World” w/ Dick and Janey: Gubernatorial Mayhem

Announcer: Political campaigns seem to be getting nastier and nastier. One of the worst has been the governor’s race in our home state. Both candidates are here today to debate the issues as guests of Dick and Janey on their…

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Posted in Religionism Society

God: “Stephen Hawking does not exist”

DATELINE: HEAVEN – In response to Dr. Stephen Hawking’s confirmation of his atheism this week, the Christian deity and almighty creator Yahweh announced that the universe’s existence could be explained without the need for a Stephen Hawking. “Following peer-reviewed religious…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Religionism

Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Santorum “living a lie all these years?” This quotation, straight from the consummately straight-talking lips of Santorum himself, has somehow angered a crapload of irritable and highly-strung socialists™ who (charitably calculated) have only half-read my article on Rick Perry receiving…

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