Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the Mantodoughia Dictyoptera or Baking Mantis.

The insect is a close relative of the Praying Mantis although it has different features including a body in the shape of a breadstick and the ability to lure in its prey with a strong aroma of buttery garlic spray.

“What we have here is the answer to a longstanding conundrum,” said scientific researcher, Theodore Basquetsful, while licking dabs of butter from his rubber gloves after holding the newfound insect.

“For eons, man has searched for the answer as to how Olive Gardens were able to continuously supply refillable breadstick baskets to their customers without ample staff. The discovery of this gentle yet magnificently delicious creature solves that mystery,” added Basquetsful.

The finding comes only months after Olive Garden’s historic collapse and has breadophiles everywhere on edge. “The National Breadstick Association is shocked and in no way supported the cruel conditions that these insects were put through, while supplying breadsticks to the greedy patrons that ultimately ended Olive Garden’s reign of terror,” said the N.B.A.’s President, Lindsay Bahkedfriesh.

Bahkedfriesh’s comment came only moments after President Breadack Obama made a statement on national television that the Olive Garden name would be erased from American history as he stated “Animal abuse is not what the United States of America stands for.”

Justin Rodier, the last known waiter for the Olive Garden restaurant chain and current spokesman for the non-profit organization known as B-R-E-A-D – Belligerent Refuse Energizing Aggregate Delectables has agreed to a tell-all interview next Thursday, October 30th at 8:00pm est on BNN to reveal how the Baking Mantis was abused by the once popular restaurant chain. The interview hopes to spread awareness of these newfound insects and to avoid future abuse by similar restaurants.

Author: It's A Cat

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