Month: October 2014
Breadfeeding: What You Need To Know
All across America, parents and their newborns have been latching onto the breadfeeding craze by using an excavated recipe from the ruins of the now extinct restaurant chain, the Olive Garden. Many are being cautious with the new formula as…
Recount On Already Controversial Presidential Election Because Of Illegal Zombie Votes
A recount has been demanded on the already scandalous Bush/Gore 2000 Presidential election by Democrats because it has been discovered that illegal zombies have been allowed to vote. Apparently in their over-exuberance to get people out to vote Republican campaigners…
Wolfe Wrong, You Can Go Home Again, and It’s Probably Time
According to the title of the Thomas Wolfe novel, you can’t go home again. But it looks like Lebron James is going to prove that saying wrong as he happily returns to the site of his first professional basketball success:…
“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Presidential Bowing Policy
Announcer: With Dick and Janey on vacation this week, we will be rerunning an earlier interview with Mr. J. Foghill Bottom, the State Department’s resident specialist on diplomatic etiquette. Because President Obama was criticized early in his presidency for bowing…
Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction
Environmentalists and naturalists have sounded the alarm for a threatened avian species resident in Washington, D.C. Having been spotted in the region for close to six years, this bird has recently suffered numerous setbacks and setblacks and appears to be…
Belfast Residents Finally Break Silence on 12th of July Nick Minaj Insult
Belfast residents have finally made their feelings known (as people up North undoubtedly do best) regarding a little-known sectarian atrocity from the most recent 12th of July… When a loyalist flute band surrounded a Catholic youth club and started playing…
The Republican Three-Ring Circus of Sub-Partisan Freaks
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome under the Republican big top and prepare to be entertained by the incredible performers of Boehner Brothers (formerly Hastert & Boehner), America’s premier political circus. I’m John Boehner, your…
Gambling Classes to be Added to School Curriculum in 5 Different States
Stop complaining that school doesn’t prepare you for real life. “The Real World, Real Skills Bill” has finally passed through the senate — adding gambling classes to the core curriculum of five states. The teachers are abuzz, students are excited and…
Impoverished Citizens Fail to Speak up for the Billionaires
This is the face of Donald Sterling who lost his NBA basketball team. And those are the brothers Koch; Charles and David, who spend most of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves. So…
Wahhabis, Southern Baptists Ban Side-boob; Episcopalians Undecided
Love ‘em or hate ‘em; but like death, taxes, and embarrassingly contrived and preposterous MSNBC op-eds, side-boobs are here to stay. Yup: never mind bitterly warring and counter-warring and counter-counter-counter-owch-a-doodle-warring Social Justice Warriors on Tumblr; or Hamilton Nolan’s online privilege…