Posted in Sports Sports Scandals

N.B.A. Furious Over Sterling’s Comments

Los Angeles, California – Three days after a recording emerged of Clippers Owner, Donald Sterling making racist comments set off a fury of angry reactions from past and current NBA players, an extended recording has been released involving a new…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

Obama’s foreign policy of “Follow the Follower” isn’t working

Announcer: President Obama’s foreign policy has come under serious scrutiny lately. Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of Yucky World, will be discussing this with retired U.S. State Department diplomat J. Foghill Bottom. Janey: You’re considered to be one of…

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Posted in Sports Scandals

Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials

Chicago – Not only has embattled owner of the LA Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, been banned for life from the NBA for his racist remarks, but virtually every other organization in America that is widely known by their initials…

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

Text Walking to Become New Olympic Sport

Rio de Janeiro – Text walking will become the newest sport to be part of the Olympic Games starting in Rio in 2016. The act of texting while walking has never been considered a sport but since so few people…

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Posted in Biz News Health

Cancer to be Rebranded the ‘Super King Slimming Disease’ by Cigarette Companies

Court documents revealed today in a US class action have described what the big tobacco firms intend to do, now that their growing markets in the emerging economies are becoming more aware of the associated health risks of smoking. The…

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Posted in Sports Sports Scandals Top Stories

Clippers Owner Donald Sterling To Sell Team

At a press conference in Los Angeles this morning, Donald Sterling’s wife Roachelle claimed the NBA team would be sold in a matter of days. Sterling, 67, who changed his name from Tokowitz so his unique brand of bigotry and…

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Posted in Religionism Science

Study shows Men Secretly Resent Women’s Phatness

Dateline: NEW YORK—Islamic states are infamous in the West for forcing women to wear burqas, since those outer garments obscure the shape of women’s bodies and are thus odious from a feminist standpoint. Defenders of the sexist laws typically resort…

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Posted in Crooked Cops

Corrupt Cops Copping Their Karma

Reading comments after Yahoo articles are, at best, a good way to while away time in need of being wasted or in bringing your blood pressure to near hospitalization levels. Usually it is just full of mudslinging and name calling…

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Posted in Television

E-Trade Baby Blowing Through Money After Commercial Campaign Canceled

The precocious baby known for turning millions on to online trading, and making millions for himself, is reportedly blowing through his fortune at an alarming rate since E-Trade pulled the plug on the commercial campaign which made him famous. ‘E’,…

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Posted in Travel War Zone

Jet-Wheel Stowaway Forces Airports to Increase Security Illusions

SAN JOSE, CALIF. — Following a 15-year-old boy’s recent stowaway ride across the Pacific Ocean, authorities at San Jose International Airport say they plan to work with the FAA in an effort to step up their security illusions, sources report….

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Posted in Politics

Russian Jets Enter Ukraine Airspace, Top Gun’s Maverick Dispatched to Region

Washington, D.C. – As tensions continue to escalate between Russia and Ukraine, Russian President Putin has ordered his fighter jet pilots to flirt with crossing into Ukrainian airspace to tempt a response from the smaller country. In response, President Obama…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned

Reading, Pennsylvania – At least one professional is dumbfounded following the completion of two transactions between neighbors in the dorms of Albright College on North 13th Street. Students Sean Chaigarvsky and Michael Kellner have lived next to one another for…

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Posted in Entertainment Health

Flo to Use Charm to ‘Perk-Up’ Obamacare

Flo, the permanently perky face of Progressive Insurance, has been named new Secretary of Health and Human Services replacing outgoing HHS czar Kathleen Sebelius. President Obama made the announcement last night. The decision was a tough one and President Obama…

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Posted in Education Technology

HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score

HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report. According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam,…

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Posted in Environment

Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day

The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day. The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative

(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child. The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

Hide your pets: Obama has plans for them

Announcer: With everyone discussing ObamaCare, Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of Yucky World, will be interviewing the President about his latest health care plan. Janey: Welcome, Mr. President. Obama: Thank you, Janey. Dick: So what are you planning on…

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Posted in Politics Television

Harry Reid Takes on Bundy Family, Al says “Let’s Rock”

(Nevada) – Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has doubled down on his name calling by referring to the Bundy family as ‘domestic terrorists’ after the Bundy home became a lightning rod for controversy involving unpaid taxes. The situation began…

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Posted in Society Top Stories Travel

Privileged Teenager Survives Harrowing Plane Trip in Coach

A 16-year-old trust fund brat survived a frightening journey halfway across the Pacific Ocean on Sunday after climbing into the coach section of a Hawaiian Airlines jet flying from San Jose to Maui. The boy emerged unharmed despite uncomfortable temperatures,…

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Posted in Politics

Obama Delays Holidays Until After Election

(Washington, D.C.) – On Friday, President Obama pushed back making a decision on the long debated Keystone XL Pipeline until after the upcoming 2014 midterm elections. Worried about upsetting his core constituencies, Mr. Obama decided that while he had his…

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