Month: April 2014
Russian Jets Enter Ukraine Airspace, Top Gun’s Maverick Dispatched to Region
Washington, D.C. – As tensions continue to escalate between Russia and Ukraine, Russian President Putin has ordered his fighter jet pilots to flirt with crossing into Ukrainian airspace to tempt a response from the smaller country. In response, President Obama…
Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned
Reading, Pennsylvania – At least one professional is dumbfounded following the completion of two transactions between neighbors in the dorms of Albright College on North 13th Street. Students Sean Chaigarvsky and Michael Kellner have lived next to one another for…
Flo to Use Charm to ‘Perk-Up’ Obamacare
Flo, the permanently perky face of Progressive Insurance, has been named new Secretary of Health and Human Services replacing outgoing HHS czar Kathleen Sebelius. President Obama made the announcement last night. The decision was a tough one and President Obama…
HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score
HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report. According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam,…
Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day
The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day. The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when…
Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative
(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child. The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of…
Hide your pets: Obama has plans for them
Announcer: With everyone discussing ObamaCare, Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of Yucky World, will be interviewing the President about his latest health care plan. Janey: Welcome, Mr. President. Obama: Thank you, Janey. Dick: So what are you planning on…
Harry Reid Takes on Bundy Family, Al says “Let’s Rock”
(Nevada) – Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has doubled down on his name calling by referring to the Bundy family as ‘domestic terrorists’ after the Bundy home became a lightning rod for controversy involving unpaid taxes. The situation began…
Privileged Teenager Survives Harrowing Plane Trip in Coach
A 16-year-old trust fund brat survived a frightening journey halfway across the Pacific Ocean on Sunday after climbing into the coach section of a Hawaiian Airlines jet flying from San Jose to Maui. The boy emerged unharmed despite uncomfortable temperatures,…
Obama Delays Holidays Until After Election
(Washington, D.C.) – On Friday, President Obama pushed back making a decision on the long debated Keystone XL Pipeline until after the upcoming 2014 midterm elections. Worried about upsetting his core constituencies, Mr. Obama decided that while he had his…