Month: December 2013
The Joker’s YouTube Video Fails to Trend
The Joker flew into a rage following failure of his new YouTube video to go viral. Efforts to sedate him similarly failed due to his high tolerance to anti-psychotic drugs. According to psychiatrists at Arkham,” Hell, his half-assed effort to…
Ann Romney Accidentally Leaves Husband Mitt at Gas Station
A preview released by Netflix last week on its upcoming documentary Mitt shows the robotic Presidential candidate appearing human. While it may be somewhat of a stretch for most to believe, it is important to note that Mitt Romney did…
Ice Storm Victims learn Horrible True Meaning of Christmas
of Christmas. The ice storm has brought down thousands of large tree branches which knocked out power lines, causing power outages in the homes of over 200,000 Torontonians alone.
A Return To ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’
A RETURN TO TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring we were all totally soused. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care with the kids…
Tareq Salahi Crashes Ex-Wife, Michaele’s Wedding
For those of you who haven’t heard, Michaele Salahi, one-half of the duo who crashed a White House state dinner in 2009, left her boring, yet thrill-seeking husband, Tareq, and ran off with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon. The wedding occurred…
Starving Artists call the Internet a Vast Communist Conspiracy
Millions of underemployed or out-of-work citizens of Canada, Europe, and the United States took to the streets to protest the internet as a vast communist conspiracy. Moreover, many Westerners are flocking to China, praising its pervasive censorship of the internet…
Santa Gives China High-Sulfur Coal for Being Bad
Santa isn’t pulling any punches this Christmas. China was bad. REAL bad. Executing thousands of people for economic, social, political, drug crimes. Then selling their organs. Making the families of the deceased pay for the bullets. Oppressing Tibetans and Uighurs…
Santa Claus Forced to File Chapter 11 Bankruptcy
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, unfortunately, he can’t pay his mounting debt and therefore won’t be visiting your home with lots of toys and goodies. Due to the economic downturn felt all over the globe, Santa Claus International…
Sarah Palin Coloring Book Is Amazon’s New Top Seller
The former part-time Republican Governor of Alaska has a new coloring book called “Sarah Palin in Comparison” that broke a sales record for its publisher and now tops Amazon’s best seller list. Earlier this month, Little Red Schoolhouse Publishing also…
Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace
Pyongyang, N. Korea – Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un’s palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad…