Posted in Crime Sports Scandals

Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’

INDIANAPOLIS – During a routine navigation of the internet Friday, a local man’s Google search for the keywords “Oscar Pistorius murder trial” evolved over the course of 7 minutes into “Reeva Steenkamp Topless.” Initially looking to gain up-to-the-minute news on…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’
Posted in Sports Scandals Sportsfolk

College Basketball Players Still Waiting on Endorsement Deals

College Basketball is great, no two ways about it. It has as much competitive spirit as any sport, athletes who will be in the big time in no time, and everything else you’d want… except compensation. John Calipari, coach at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! College Basketball Players Still Waiting on Endorsement Deals
Posted in Politics

CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement

Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated. Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement
Posted in Human Interest

Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control

Don’t worry everybody–world-wide* acclaimed blogger and self-published publisher/self-editor/self-writer/self-artist, Mark Krotzchety (pronounced “Krotzchety”), wants you to know that he’s finally got his nagging compulsions under control. Apparently, he’s organized everything into a master calendar.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Justin Bieber Dead, Reports Twitter User JoshuaDJ22

NEW YORK, NY – Canadian pop-star and school kid Justin Bieber was tragically killed today when a truck driver accidentally ran over the star in downtown New York, reports bored Twitter user @JoshuaDJ22. In a 120-character post, @JoshuaDJ22 announced that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Justin Bieber Dead, Reports Twitter User JoshuaDJ22
Posted in Top Stories

How to get rid of enemies and excess allies

Yesterday’s report in the Los Angeles Times about the U.S. plan to rid itself of uncomfortable allies in Syria illustrates once again that drones are the answer to almost any problem. This is because – except for tsunamis and volcanoes…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! How to get rid of enemies and excess allies
Posted in Crime Strange People

Housewife becomes Batman-like

A WOMAN has been arrested after she became ‘ninja-like’ and ‘overly mysterious’ while making dinner to the Batman soundtrack. Emergency services received a distress call from a very panicked husband at a home in suburban Seattle at around 5:45pm yesterday…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Housewife becomes Batman-like
Posted in Environment

Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters

Anyone who has spent any time in Colorado or any western ski resort areas has noticed the high density of Wisconsiners living there (to avoid any violent misunderstandings and to remain socially correct, by ‘high density’ I am referring to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters
Posted in Sports Events

American Team Favored to Win 2013 World Series

ST. LOUIS – The St. Louis Cardinals made history Friday when they became the 104th American team to win the World Series. With their 6-2 victory over the Texas Rangers in game 7, The Cardinals extended the United States’ formidable…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! American Team Favored to Win 2013 World Series
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Satire Writer Bittered by Real Life

A SATIRE writer has become jaded after working on a ‘real’ newspaper. The satire writer, who can not be named because I don’t want to, has revealed to Glossy News that she, erm… that she, or he, has found it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Satire Writer Bittered by Real Life
Posted in Human Interest Kidz Zone

Pinewood Derby Teaches Valuable Lessons in Cheating, Abandonment

My boys had their first Pinewood Derby. As I sat there it dawned on me what’s really being taught; all the ugliness of life in one 7-ounces block of resentment. My older son had what I can charitably describe as…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pinewood Derby Teaches Valuable Lessons in Cheating, Abandonment
Posted in Sportsfolk

Obnoxious American Gives Snide Opinions on Euro Football, Gets Booted From EU

It is time to take the opportunity to take you folks in England (and you in Scotland and Ireland too for that matter) to task on this thing you call ‘European Football’ God only knows somebody needs to, so I’ll…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obnoxious American Gives Snide Opinions on Euro Football, Gets Booted From EU
Posted in Making Headlines

Florida Lt. Governor Gives 6 To 1 Odds On Replacement

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Florida Lt. Governor Gives 6 To 1 Odds On Replacement
Posted in Making Headlines

Marijuana Laced Brownies Add Extra Field Trip To Elementary Students Schedule

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Marijuana Laced Brownies Add Extra Field Trip To Elementary Students Schedule
Posted in Making Headlines

Pope Selection Leaves Catholics In Same Moral Bind But Better Access To Coke

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pope Selection Leaves Catholics In Same Moral Bind But Better Access To Coke
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

First Lady Michelle Obama – Coming soon to an Applebee’s near you

In case you’re just now emerging from a three-month coma or don’t have a television, you may have missed that Michelle Obama seems to be everywhere lately. Ever since she unveiled her brand new, trend-setting bangs in January, you almost…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! First Lady Michelle Obama – Coming soon to an Applebee’s near you
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Wanted to Know How to Woo My Lady. Book Learnin’ Did Me Right

As long-time readers of Glossy News know, I’m a man of exquisite passion. So when I wanted to ratchet up the loving, I did what any man would do. I sipped some whiskey, yelled at my kids, and turned to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wanted to Know How to Woo My Lady. Book Learnin’ Did Me Right
Posted in Making Headlines

Rolling Paper Shortage To Impact Conclaves Daily Signals

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Rolling Paper Shortage To Impact Conclaves Daily Signals
Posted in Making Headlines

NY Cop Convicted Of Plot To Eat Women, But Not In A Good Way

WTF?! Click now to find out more! NY Cop Convicted Of Plot To Eat Women, But Not In A Good Way
Posted in World News

Dead Pigs in River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Chinese Officials Say

SHANGHAI–Chinese officials have released an official statement today on the reason behind the almost 3,000 porcine carcasses found floating in the Huangpu river. The well-timed statement has successfully lifted the fog of mystery surrounding this formerly intriguing incident and, at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dead Pigs in River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Chinese Officials Say
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Religionism

Sinead O’Connor Shreds Picture of Pope Benedict XVI, Everyone Cheers

Sinead O’Connor has been vindicated. The news of Pope Benedict XVI stepping down as head of the Vatican left a world stunned, but according to reports, Sinead O’Connor didn’t miss a beat. At a recent concert, she appeared on stage…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sinead O’Connor Shreds Picture of Pope Benedict XVI, Everyone Cheers
Posted in Religionism

God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy

HEAVEN – Speaking off-the-record Friday, the Lord God privately admitted that he did not have a concrete plan for local disabled boy Dwight Bowers, who was born paralyzed from the waist down. Even though the excitable 6-year-old is routinely assured…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy
Posted in Crime Politics

Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens

Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens. “It’s not fair! My drone…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens
Posted in Making Headlines

Lindsay Lohan Declares “Ain’t No House Arrest Can Hold Me, Coppers”

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Lindsay Lohan Declares “Ain’t No House Arrest Can Hold Me, Coppers”
Posted in Making Headlines

Cardinals Announce Conclave Dates – No Altar Boys Made The Cut This Year

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cardinals Announce Conclave Dates – No Altar Boys Made The Cut This Year
Posted in Internets Tubes

What Potheads, Bikers, and Taylor Swift Have in Common

New figures out indicate that blogs featuring pot, bikers, and Taylor Swift get the most hits and the most forum posts of any other, including porn, according to the Worldwide Association of Gossip Syndicate or WAGS. While Potheads and Pot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! What Potheads, Bikers, and Taylor Swift Have in Common
Posted in Crooked Cops Society

YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)

We began our story yesterday on the dangers of the phrase YOLO! and what it’s meant to the dwindling number of America’s less intelligent youth who followed this belief. What happened to them? We’ll tell you later, but we’ll give…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)
Posted in World News

Kim Jong Un Releases New Book: Daddy–The Tenderer Moments

PYONGYANG—Recently, Iron E-News was given the rare chance to attend a very special and exclusive book signing in an exotic, distant, and oft misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK. Kim Jong Un, the son of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Kim Jong Un Releases New Book: Daddy–The Tenderer Moments
Posted in Education Kidz Zone

YOLO Demise Discovered; Most Adherents Deceased (Part 1)

YOLO, short for “you only live once”. Easily the “don’t worry, be happy” of 2011, is now gone, all but forgotten. But why is this phrase out of use? A recent study finds it’s because most who lived by it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! YOLO Demise Discovered; Most Adherents Deceased (Part 1)
Posted in Internets Tubes

Letter to the editor: CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN are Democrat Networks

The following letter is in response to a story dated October, 21st of last year entitled Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?. This mad gem comes to us from “Tim Pitchfork” from blah blah whatever. Tim Pitchford (Carmel,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Letter to the editor: CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN are Democrat Networks