Month: March 2013
Learn Easter from Your Kids: Zombie Jesus Brings Gold (Video)
My kids attend weekly Awana meetings, where they learn about how letting people talk about Jesus can result in candy and prizes. For the true magic of Jesus, I had to share with them a bit of the practical side….
Glossy News Exclusive: Interview with Mr. Potato Head
Today we interview that star of toy stores and famed actor from the films Toy Story 1,2 and 3, Mr. Potato Head! Visiting him in his penthouse at the Farmer’s Market in Manhattan he spills the beans on his illustrious…
Monica Lewinsky’s Dress to be Sold at Auction
After being rejected by the Smithsonian, Monica Lewinsky announced today that she will be selling her famous, blue, semen-stained dress at auction. Southeby’s, Inc., which will be handling the sale, predicts the historic dress should fetch up to $10 million…
Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits
GREENLAND–Last year, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice approximately twice the size of Manhattan. And the Inuit couldn’t be happier. Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends…
The Illuminati Responds to Shooting by Rap Artist During Pledge Week
A Richmond Virginia man is being held without bail after his marijuana fueled attempt to sacrifice his friend in order to join the Illuminati. The man, an aspiring rap artist believed that by killing his friend he could join the…
‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books
MUNCIE – In a disguised attempt to let you know that he is exceptionally well-read, an acquaintance today informed you that the latest Hollywood blockbuster you are planning to view this weekend is no way near as good as the…
Your Horoscope for the Week of March 25th, 2013
The stars can see your future and they want to give you the bad news before someone else gets to. For never-ending horoscopes, check out our Random Horoscope Generator. RIGHT: A graphic of the incorrect version of astral superstition, but…
Reddit to Open Real World Chat-Houses (x-post from reality)
Infamous web community Reddit is taking a big step. They’re going “meat space” and opening of real world “chat houses” in the US this fall, and they’re hoping it will bring all the same successes. Jaskon Rosrath, the new VP…
Corporation Now Firing
INDIANAPOLIS – The city’s employment figures were tweaked Friday, as Corporate Technology Services (CTS) – an established call center corporation on the westside of Indianapolis – revealed that it is now firing. Expected to begin the firing process in earnest…
Report: Churches to Outnumber Christians by 2035
INDIANAPOLIS – According to a study conducted by the United States Census Bureau, the number of Churches located in Indiana is likely to become higher than the state’s total number of Christians by the year 2035. The findings, which were…