Categorized | Environment

Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits

Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits

GREENLAND–Last year, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice approximately twice the size of Manhattan.

And the Inuit couldn’t be happier.

Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends for quite some time. Much of the ice that has been breaking off of these glaciers is going directly into their handmade water pouches.

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“Oh yeah. It’s the yak’s pajamas,” said local fisherman Imnek. “When life gives us lemons, we make glacially iced lemonade.”

Scientists at the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, though unanimous about the Earth’s rising temperatures, are not unanimous about its main causes. Some contend that humans are entirely to blame, while other scientists are suggesting that the Earth is merely coming out of an ice age, and that greenhouse gases play only a minor role.

But, whether this current warming trend is the result of carbon emissions or not, the Inuit people remain unfazed.

“That’s right,” offered one level-headed yak herder. “We just go with the floe. If the Earth warms and waters rise, then we’ll live in boats. If it cools and everything freezes again, then the world is our igloo.”


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Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton


3 Responses to “Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits”

  1. Paul Merrifield says:

    Not so fast. We all know you remaining believers want this misery to be real but maybe you should get up to speed and ahead of the curve:
    *Occupywallstreet does not even mention CO2 in its list of demands because of the bank-funded carbon trading stock markets ruled by corporations and trustworthy politicians.

    All of science agrees; “Climate change is real and is happening and could lead to a climate crisis.”.
    Help my house could be on fire maybe? How is 27 years of “maybe” supposed to be consensus and if “maybe” is good enough to condemn your own children to the greenhouse gas ovens of an exaggerated crisis then you don’t love the planet you just hate humanity.
    Not one single IPCC warning isn’t swimming in maybes.
    If they can’t say climate change is as real and eventual as comet hits are, it only proves their legal exaggeration and real planet lovers welcome the good news of a crisis not being a real after all.

  2. jeff boldt says:

    whoa whoa whoa. this story is about an indigenous people finally getting their just desserts. specifically, the freshest glacially iced dessert this world has to offer.

  3. Mike Kelly says:

    My ice maker is on the fritz so if I can get a piece of this action I'm in.


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