Month: March 2013
Bad Boy Bloomberg Banning Big Breasts
In his latest and most swift move to play strict-stepfather-who-hates-loud-rock-music to New Yorkers, Mayor Bloomberg has opted for a new ban on cup size. This time, however, instead of going after the large Coca-Cola in your cup, he’s going after…
Elvis Impersonator ‘Sounds Uncannily Like Elvis Impersonator’
BLOOMINGTON – Friends and colleagues of Elvis impersonator Arnold Mason agree that the 47-year-old sounds and looks uncannily like hundreds of other Elvis impersonators. A resident of Bloomington, IN, Mr Mason has performed Elvis hits up and down Indiana for…
NRA’s LaPierre Holds America Hostage
Two narrowed eyes peeked out of the slats over the window that were already narrow enough by themselves. They gazed imperturbably at the scores of police and FBI agents that surrounded the NRA ranch estate in North Carolina. Those eyes…
Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism
Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist. I searched almost every country in the world and what…
Stage Actor Arrested After Knocking Dead 47 Audience Members
INDIANAPOLIS – Police arrested a 35-year-old man last night after eye-witnesses reported him knocking dead the 47 theatre goers who came to see his portrayal of Iago in a community theatre production of Shakespeare’s Othello. Brian Mathis, a longtime member…
Pope Francis to Allow Fellatio, Cunnilingus
Newly elected Pope Francis announced today that he will allow parishioners over the age of 50 the option of giving and receiving fellatio and cunnilingus to ensure “marital harmony and to enhance the sex lives of the faithful”. Ora sex…
Science on God: Inference to Any Other Explanation the Best
Men like Stephen Hawking have helped introduce us to Science all over again and men like Richard Dawkins have helped us learn to appreciate its grandness and wonder anew. They’ve taught us to embrace skepticism in our pursuit of truth…
Senator Graham Goes For The Low Hanging Fruit
South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham today championed his desire to restrict the ability to own fire arms to those who are no longer capable of knowing right from wrong. The senator laid out his thoughts in what many believed…
Cypriots Taxed On Their Savings- How To Really Screw Your Fellow Countrymen
Now it is the island nation of Cyprus’s time to come under the guillotine of economic bankruptcy. The only difference with their bankers way of dealing with it is that, instead of doing it in the U.S. fashion of taking…
John Boehner; the Heart of the Party Without a Heart
Speaker of the house, Republican Congressman John Boehner, today spoke out against the recent change in position of Republican Senator Rob Portman regarding the issue of marriage equality. Senator Portman recently changed his position on marriage equality after relaying the…