Report: Churches to Outnumber Christians by 2035

INDIANAPOLIS – According to a study conducted by the United States Census Bureau, the number of Churches located in Indiana is likely to become higher than the state’s total number of Christians by the year 2035.

The findings, which were gathered over the past six months, found that the number of churches – from across all branches of the Christian faith – has increased at a record rate during the past 25 years and is expected to see exponential growth over the next two and half decades.

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“By the end of the 2020s, every street in the Midwest will have 5 times as many churches as houses,” said researcher Carla Bainbridge. “When you consider that a lot of these churches will also double up as houses, you start to see the scale of the church expansion.”

In further findings, it has been revealed that buildings belonging to the United Methodist Church had already overtaken the denomination’s number of followers as early as 2005, while members of The Christian Church are likely to be outnumbered by their places of worship by 2014.

“I’m overjoyed with this report,” said Church of God devotee, Angela Mills. “It means that my grandchildren will have plenty of choice over where to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior. God bless America.”

Despite these findings, however, it is widely expected that all religious buildings across the entire state will eventually be overtaken by the state’s sheer number of Starbucks coffeehouses.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

3 thoughts on “Report: Churches to Outnumber Christians by 2035

  1. Mega-churhes are on the rise but it doesn’t stop the tide of agnosticism that’s sucking the imaginary zombie Jesus out of our nation, and that’s a good thing.

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