Month: January 2013
Obama, You Sold Me (and All Lefties) Out
Hey Barry, hi, how are you? Good, good, glad to hear it. Hey listen, that whole debate you did last week with those dastardly Republicans? Yeah, you totally sold us out. Just had to say it. Us progressives have been…
Glossy News 2013 Predictions: It’s going to snow a lot… somewhere… eventually
Every year since Glossy News first started publishing during the Truman Administration, we have made bold predictions about the year ahead – in politics, world affairs, pop culture and advances in cutlery. Our staff possesses an uncanny ability to peer…
Justin Bieber May Soon Start Using Heroin, Meth According to Experts
Experts examining a recent photo of Justin Bieber smoking marijuana fear that the youthful pop star may soon graduate to harder drugs such as heroin and methamphetamines. “Pot is a gateway drug to harder substances”, said Los Angeles youth counselor…
Florida Woman Makes Son Turn Down TV to “Conserve Sound”
A Jacksonville, Florida native has drawn widespread attention after asking her son to turn down his television in order to save sound. Gladys Welsh, age 83, was heard yelling to her son Timmy, age 45, to lower the volume on…
Non-Booby Barbie Attracting Attention
A while back Mattel Inc. announced that it would be ‘downsizing’ their trademark, their symbol, their meal ticket, the Barbie doll. Barbie, that picture perfect plastic woman doll who represented many a young girl’s dreams of femininity. “Downsizing’ in this…
Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) Takes Broom Ride During Congressional Photo-Op
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) – Rep. Rosa DeLauro(D-CT), wore her ‘Black Sabbath Best’ to the Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi sponsored photo opportunity with the Democratic women of the House to highlight the historic diversity of the House Democratic Caucus in…
Sensible Gun-Control Proposals Obvious, Impossible
In the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre the question of gun control has come up once again. Sure, we can’t blame people, or guns, or bullets, so I guess the onus falls on firing pins, and they’re the real…
Egyptian President Says He is “Too Cool for School”
Egypt’s young people are outraged following President Mohammed Morsi’s announcement that he is “Too cool for school.” Morsi reportedly made the declaration before a crowd of fifth graders during a school visit in the Cairo suburbs meant to promote Egypt’s…
Jesus Cancels 2nd Coming Because People Have Screwed Up His Birthday
The long awaited Second Coming of Jesus Christ has been canceled. Jesus Himself has ordered this. Coming down incognito to plan for his much anticipated descension to the same world that had rejected him so many millenia ago, He scoped…
Hillary Clinton Poisoned By Palestinian Terrorists
Contrary to published reports, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton did not suffer digestive difficulties followed by a fainting spell followed by a blood clot but was actually poisoned by unnamed Palestinian militant terrorists. “We knew most people weren’t falling for…