Contrary to published reports, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton did not suffer digestive difficulties followed by a fainting spell followed by a blood clot but was actually poisoned by unnamed Palestinian militant terrorists.
“We knew most people weren’t falling for that blood clot story”, said an unknown, anonymous source who asked not to be named. “Let’s just say she’s doing okay considering how much poison she ingested”.
Official White House sources were keeping hush on Clinton’s condition but stood by their story that Clinton was suffering a blood clot brought on by a fainting spell.
“She fainted and got a blood clot. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “There were no Palestinian terrorists or secret sources that infiltrated our government because we’re too smart for that!”
The source stated that foreign governments wanted to do Clinton in before the end of her term to send a message to the United States government that they didn’t want a woman deciding foreign policy.
“She should be at home, tending to her husbands needs, doing the dishes and spending time with her family. Not running all over the world telling grown Palestinian men what to do!” said an alleged terrorist who asked not be named.
Clinton refused to discuss the matter thus fueling even more speculation about her declining health.