Month: January 2013
Americans, Driven Mad By Politics, Jump Like Lemmings Over the Fiscal Cliff
Driven to the brink of their sanity by the constant warnings from politicians over what would happen if we went over the fiscal cliff thousands of Americans have gone ahead and jumped over the brink of the fiscal cliff on…
Fat People Live Longer, Healthier Lives, According to New Research
It’s finally time to get off the treadmill and stuff down some pork sausage as researchers have determined that people who have at least 30% body fat live longer, healthier lives than their active, slim counterparts.
Luxembourg Annexes Germany
The European community is in shock following Luxembourg’s decision to deploy troops and annex the Federal Republic of Germany. According to preliminary reports, Luxembourger troops entered the province of North Rhine-Westphalia early Thursday morning and proceeded through Lower Saxony towards…
FBI Fears NRA’s Wayne LaPierre Fits Profile of Lone Gunman
Wayne LaPierre, notorious leader of the gun cult religion known as the NRA, is under investigation by the FBI as fitting the profile of the notorious ‘lone gunman’ so prevalent in modern American literature and films. His stoney faced demeanor,…
New Year Baby Refuses to be Born
SAN FRANCISCO–The first baby of New Year 2013 is refusing to depart his mother’s womb. The child–identified during the first trimester as a boy and subsequently named Jonah by his parents—stated from in utero, he would permit another infant to…
Open Letter to Mitt Romney – Here’s Why You Lost
I’ve read so much in the wake of the 2012 presidential election about why Governor Mitt Romney lost, and the majority of it sickens me with how tone-deaf it is. And seriously, governor Romney, I hope you read this. I’m…