Egyptian President Says He is “Too Cool for School”

Egypt’s young people are outraged following President Mohammed Morsi’s announcement that he is “Too cool for school.”

Morsi reportedly made the declaration before a crowd of fifth graders during a school visit in the Cairo suburbs meant to promote Egypt’s new constitution.

As the students reeled in surprise, the president proceeded to don a sombrero and dance out of the building while waving the peace sign.

Witnesses interviewed after the incident showed a common trend of anger at the president’s behavior. Student Khalida said Morsi has “Lost all respect in my eyes,” and her brother Rafiq added that the incident was “Pretty much an epic fail.”

Ali Al-Shabab, who at age forty-two is the school’s long-time coolest kid, has promised to seek legal action against Morsi, who he describes as “A cheap nerd trying to attract attention by being the king of manic-obsessive hipsters.”

Despite all the criticism, Cairo’s top man is receiving praise from one important figure, North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. In a rare interview with state media, the young head of state said Morsi is “a brave man working to throw off the roneryness of existence.”

The president’s executive office has not yet commented on the national controversy.

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