Terrorized by Multiple Wives? You Might be a bin Laden
Terrorizing innocent, decent people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You get stuck sleeping with cretins who stink like deep-fried weasel, constantly eat curry-laced leftovers, and notice, too late, some jerk used all the toilet paper — no wonder…
Matzo Ball Drowns In Its Own Soup
BROOKLYN, NY—Police found the remains of a 9-day-old Matzo ball in a Park Slope apartment building after neighbors complained about a strong odor coming from 40J. “It was the undeniable smell of chicken broth and parsley,” describes a downstairs neighbor,…
Sony Blames Harold Camping for Prolonged PSN Outage
The weeks of the Playstation Network being down was frustrating for many gamers. What was even more frustrating was the constant reassurance that the network would be back up soon, with that date being pushed farther and farther back. Many…
Tea Party Rejects Alligator Moat Concession
Posted by your South America correspondents Maria and Consuela Lopez – GlossyNews.com In his first major speech on immigration reform, President Obama proved in El Paso he has now learned how to piss off everybody at the same time. We…
Weiner Says It’s Not His ‘Weener’
NEW YORK, NY. GlossyNews.com – Rep. Anthony Weiner has aroused more suspicion today by neither confirming nor denying that the crotch in question is his, and reiterated his opinion that the incident is, “a distraction, and nothing more than a…
Doomsday Prophet Admits Using LOST to Predict Rapture
Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes…
What if every Christian lived in a perfect Christian world?
To begin with, it would be nice initially because there would be no crime, no jealousy, hate, anger, poverty, starvation that you see all around the world… But then, each day would be just like the last — perfect. This…
Nation’s Satirists Stumped by “Don’t Say Gay” Bill
NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month. “It’s like they created the bill just…
Tennessee School Board Asks: “Isn’t Fact just a Theory?”
Social unrest was spurred this week when the Tennessee politicians began to challenge the school board biology text book selection. Many conservative politicians believed that the book was very one sided and treated several theories as fact.
Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening
New York – GlossyNews.com – According to informed sources the government has come up with an imaginative solution to the problem of invasive image scanning at airports. Many travelers, especially women, have complained about the fact that the new scanning…