Posted in Crime Strange People

Casey Anthony Jurors Ask Judge if They Can ‘Take it Back’

ORLANDO, FL – In yet another shocking twist for a case that has gripped the nation, the 12 jurors who voted to acquit Casey Anthony of all murder charges in the death of her daughter Caylee, appear to be more…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Conspiracy Theorists Sue Esquire For Implying Faked Moon Landing Book a Hoax

OUTER SPACE – Conspiracy theorists Joseph Farah, publisher of World Nut Daily, and Jerome Corsi, author of the best selling book Capricorn One: NASA, JFK, and the Great ‘Moon Landing’ Cover-Up, are suing the magazine Esquire, its parent company Hearst…

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Posted in Politics Sports Scandals

Muscle Confusion Applies to the Brain as Well

Rep. Anthony Weiner decided to finally show off his results using P90X, the popular workout program that uses “muscle confusion” to go from regular to ripped in just 90 days. Following in the the footsteps of fellow congressman Christopher Lee,…

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Posted in Politics Sports Scandals

Weiner Says It’s Not His ‘Weener’

NEW YORK, NY. GlossyNews.com – Rep. Anthony Weiner has aroused more suspicion today by neither confirming nor denying that the crotch in question is his, and reiterated his opinion that the incident is, “a distraction, and nothing more than a…

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Posted in Politics

Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents

Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born…

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Posted in Biz News

Hooray For Me, F**k You: Filthy Rich Protest for More Wealth

NEW YORK – Jumping on the protest bandwagon, which began with a carefully orchestrated campaign of coddled working and middle class protesters in Wisconsin and elsewhere fighting to retain their grossly overpaid wages and awesome HMO benefits, the wealthy minority…

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Posted in Biz News World News

Nuke Energy Leaders Bravely Sacrifice Everything to Save Radioactive Fuel Rods

WASHINGTON DC – An emergency meeting was convened today between President Obama, top Japanese officials, members of the IAEA, General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt, and several nuclear industry leaders, to discuss ways to save the precious fuel rods from the…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

The Role of Facebook and Twitter in History’s Revolutions

There’s been a lot of debate recently over the role social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter played in the recent Egyptian uprising, however very little has been mentioned of their importance in history’s other great revolutions. This report chronicles…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Craigslist Congressman says photo was actually for new P90X ad

Backpeddling from his resignation over the recent photo scandal, former Rep. Christopher Lee now says the picture was meant to show off his results from using P90X, but accidentally got e-mailed to the “Women Seeking Men” forum on Craigslist. “What…

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Posted in Kidz Zone Science & Technologizzy

Computer Beats Kids at Candy Land… Holy Terrorbytes, Batman

IBM is at it again, but this time their target for domination isn’t aimed at nerdy trivia buffs or intimidating chess masters. No, its electronic jaws are now chomping at the bit to take a megabyte out of sweet innocent…

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Posted in Politics

Right Wingers Develop Wild West Show, Cirque du Sarah Style

In an effort to restore their public image after the shooting in Arizona and its aftermath, the Republican National Committee has put forth a proposal to produce a touring Wild West Show, starring leaders of the new conservative movement. Sarah…

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Posted in Crime Talky Pictures

Arizona Shooter Cast as Uncle Fester in Franchise Reboot

Although the criminal case against accused gunman, Jared Lee Loughner, is just beginning, one thing is for certain, he’s going to prison. And if the administrators over at the infamous Supermax facility in Fremont County, Colorado have anything to say…

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Posted in Making Headlines

Thousands of Twitterers Mysteriously Fall Dead (From Skype)

Dubbed the “App-pocalypse” by users, officials say this is a perfectly natural phenomenon, likely caused by Firefox or a computer virus, and nothing to worry about.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Travel

Snow Miser put on ‘No Fly’ list

Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the ‘Snow Miser’, on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA’s ‘No Fly’ list. Mr. Miser, who was…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

US Inmate John Duty “Put Down”, Vet Wishes to Remain Nameless

A shortage of sodium thiopental, the kinder, gentler drug used for death row inmates in the US, forced the state of Oklahoma to send convicted murderer John Duty to a local vet where he was put down with an injection…

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Posted in Crime Religionism

God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting

Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

Gays in military ask for more fashionable fatigues

Washington, DC – On the high heels of the historic vote to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” openly gay troops are now pushing for the Pentagon to bring in the top fashion designers to create more stylish uniforms. Dubbing it…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

U.S. Gov’t Plays “Whack-a-Mole” to Combat Online Piracy

In a futile effort to combat file-sharing, the ICE (a division of the DHS) has begun whacking down websites suspected of copyright infringement. So far, the score is 70, 75, or 76, depending on who’s counting. A spokesman for the…

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Posted in Crime War Zone

‘Wannabe’ Terrorist Punk’d In Portland… Aw, Snap

PORTLAND, Ore GlossyNews.com — Taking their cue from the genius of Ashton Kutcher, the FBI staged an elaborate prank on a Corvallis, OR teenager who thought he was part of a Jihadist plot to kill Christmas. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, 19,…

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Posted in Making Headlines

TSA Announces Mass-Hiring of Gropey-Santas

The controversy over the patting down of children has prompted the TSA to hire so-called Santas to help with security. Now children will get to sit on Santa’s lap, and he’ll find out if they’ve been naughty, nice or have…

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