Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening

New York – – According to informed sources the government has come up with an imaginative solution to the problem of invasive image scanning at airports.

Many travelers, especially women, have complained about the fact that the new scanning technology in effect showed them naked to the TSA screening attendant. And they have been equally unhappy about the alternative, being “patted-down.”

Now federal planners have devised a solution, says a knowledgeable insider. “To defuse the sexual intimacy issue,” she says, “all personnel who operate invasive scanners and do pat-downs will undergo mandatory castration at government expense.

In effect, only eunuchs will be allowed to view airline travelers by means of the new scanning technology or conduct pat-downs. Since these personnel will in effect be neither male nor female, and will be without any sexual orientation whatsoever, no one need fear being exposed in a lascivious manner while passing through airport security.”

The source added that wannabe eunuchs chosen for this task will receive a 4.38% pay differential plus a $375 hardship bonus for agreeing to undergo the surgical procedure needed to qualify for the newly-created position of “Neutered Level I Scanning Technician” but will not be invited to federal employee social functions.

Author: Will Johnson

Will Johnson operates several e-commerce websites and writes stage plays in his spare time. Will is editor of