Posted in Politics Sportsfolk

Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever

Denver, CO—Denver Broncos’ Quarterback, Peyton Manning, revealed to reporters this evening that he didn’t have time to visit the polls today because he was too busy faking modest responses to numerous claims that he is the greatest QB of all…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever
Posted in Human Interest

Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote

Clearwater, FL—Local Comcast technician, Mike Haynes, reportedly experienced superhuman strength after nine hours of television on Saturday. Between the eye strain and sore arm muscles from lifting over 18 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Haynes wasn’t sure if he’d have…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote
Posted in Top Stories

Obama ‘Hits Up’ Powerball Winners for Money

WASHINGTON DC—In a desperate attempt to save the United States economy, President Obama approached the recent winners of the $228,900,000 Powerball Jackpot, Tom and Cathleen Morris of Burnsville, MN, and asked the married couple if he could, “Hit that sh%t…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama ‘Hits Up’ Powerball Winners for Money
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Making of a Prose Poem: Staggeringly Blasé Reviews

A young, aimless writer. A format no one cared about. The words everyone has to look up in an online dictionary. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be an unknown poet, this is the poem you need to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Making of a Prose Poem: Staggeringly Blasé Reviews
Posted in Human Interest

Newlywed Couple Fears That Honeymoon May Never End

SARASOTA, FL – GlossyNews.com — After nearly four years of marriage, Nathan and Jennifer Reed are starting to worry that their proverbial “honeymoon” might never end, despite several attempts to take each other for granted and argue over petty differences….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Newlywed Couple Fears That Honeymoon May Never End
Posted in Society

Matzo Ball Drowns In Its Own Soup

BROOKLYN, NY—Police found the remains of a 9-day-old Matzo ball in a Park Slope apartment building after neighbors complained about a strong odor coming from 40J. “It was the undeniable smell of chicken broth and parsley,” describes a downstairs neighbor,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Matzo Ball Drowns In Its Own Soup
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Nation’s Satirists Stumped by “Don’t Say Gay” Bill

NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month. “It’s like they created the bill just…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Nation’s Satirists Stumped by “Don’t Say Gay” Bill
Posted in Making Headlines

Conference Attendee Changes Outfit Nine Times, Still Not Certain She’s “Dressy” Enough

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Conference Attendee Changes Outfit Nine Times, Still Not Certain She’s “Dressy” Enough
Posted in Society

State Sues for Intellectual Infringement in One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…

Jackson, MS- GlossyNews.com -Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi announced today that the State of Mississippi now claims all rights to the use of “Mississippi” between any number while counting out loud. In today’s press conference, the four-term governor said that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! State Sues for Intellectual Infringement in One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…
Posted in Politics

Vermont Passes Immigration Law Aimed at Know-it-All Writers

Montpelier, VERMONT—Governor Peter Shumlin signed into law yesterday an Arizona-style bill to stop the immigration of know-it-all writers who are overcrowding the state’s MFA programs and forcing the state to create even more jobs that the writers are sure to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Vermont Passes Immigration Law Aimed at Know-it-All Writers
Posted in Making Headlines

Penguins Confused About Why Humans Think They’re Adorable

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Penguins Confused About Why Humans Think They’re Adorable
Posted in Making Headlines

Woman Admits She Wants What She Cannot Have

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Woman Admits She Wants What She Cannot Have
Posted in Biz News Internets Tubes

Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates

MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them. Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates
Posted in Making Headlines

Gay Community Finally Admits Plan To Ruin The Sanctity of Marriage

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gay Community Finally Admits Plan To Ruin The Sanctity of Marriage
Posted in Politics

Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu

WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu. “Let me be clear. We are not limiting these…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu
Posted in Society

Local Cat Blames Indoor Lifestyle for Catnip Addiction

BURLINGTON, VT—Yesterday, neighborhood cat, Nella Watson, revealed that she’s finally on the road to recovery after a long battle with Catnip Abuse. When asked what started her addiction to what’s colloquially referred to as “Nip” in the Feline community, Nella…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Local Cat Blames Indoor Lifestyle for Catnip Addiction
Posted in Health Science & Technologizzy

Darkness Therapy May Increase Depression in World’s Happiest Country

DENMARK (Glossynews.com International) –A new study currently underway in Denmark could prove that prolonged exposure to darkness may improve symptoms of merriment and cheer in people who are “entirely too happy.” While the evidence is inconclusive, researchers say that the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Darkness Therapy May Increase Depression in World’s Happiest Country
Posted in Making Headlines

Lose Weight Fast with Cigarettes and Cocaine

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Lose Weight Fast with Cigarettes and Cocaine
Posted in Society

Study Shows Baby Boomers Look for Apathy, Social Inequality in Brands

This week The Gibraltar Group released the results of a study that indicates that Baby Boomers have given up on the economy ever recovering and continue to buy products that reflect their lack of hope and apathy toward the situation….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study Shows Baby Boomers Look for Apathy, Social Inequality in Brands
Posted in Making Headlines

Facebook Status Wonders What an Update Has To Do To Get “Liked” Around Here?

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Facebook Status Wonders What an Update Has To Do To Get “Liked” Around Here?
Posted in Making Headlines

God Tells Noah He Really Should Have Opted for the Flood Damage on His Home Owner’s Policy

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Tells Noah He Really Should Have Opted for the Flood Damage on His Home Owner’s Policy
Posted in Making Headlines

New Poll Reveals that Polls Are a Waste of Time and Energy

Nearly two out of three Americans say that the poll they are currently taking is pointless and stupid.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Poll Reveals that Polls Are a Waste of Time and Energy