Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever

Denver, CO—Denver Broncos’ Quarterback, Peyton Manning, revealed to reporters this evening that he didn’t have time to visit the polls today because he was too busy faking modest responses to numerous claims that he is the greatest QB of all time. Read more Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever

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Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote

Clearwater, FL—Local Comcast technician, Mike Haynes, reportedly experienced superhuman strength after nine hours of television on Saturday.

Between the eye strain and sore arm muscles from lifting over 18 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Haynes wasn’t sure if he’d have the strength left to pick up the remote to change the channel. “I’ve heard about those people who lift cars and things in an emergency, so I figured that’s what happened to me when I saw that an educational show was coming up on channel six and I knew I had to change that channel quick,” Haynes told Channel Six News early this morning. Read more Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote

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Making of a Prose Poem: Staggeringly Blasé Reviews

A young, aimless writer. A format no one cared about. The words everyone has to look up in an online dictionary. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be an unknown poet, this is the poem you need to ignore. Critics are raving about the new prose poem that everyone is calling the most boring event of the year. Read more Making of a Prose Poem: Staggeringly Blasé Reviews

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Newlywed Couple Fears That Honeymoon May Never End

SARASOTA, FL – GlossyNews.com — After nearly four years of marriage, Nathan and Jennifer Reed are starting to worry that their proverbial “honeymoon” might never end, despite several attempts to take each other for granted and argue over petty differences.

While most married couples spend a mere six months ignoring faults and having way too much passionate Read more Newlywed Couple Fears That Honeymoon May Never End

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Matzo Ball Drowns In Its Own Soup

BROOKLYN, NY—Police found the remains of a 9-day-old Matzo ball in a Park Slope apartment building after neighbors complained about a strong odor coming from 40J. “It was the undeniable smell of chicken broth and parsley,” describes a downstairs neighbor, who wishes to remain nameless due to troubles with the Matzahfia.

Apparently, the Matzo ball had been left in bowl of soup and forgotten about in the back of the refrigerator. Detective James Bellingham of the NYPD says there’s no telling how long the poor Matzo ball had been in there. Read more Matzo Ball Drowns In Its Own Soup

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