Mars Rover Curiosity Discovers Triboob
Excited NASA staff make plans for a manned mission to Mars after the Mars rover returned its first series of results. It took 8 months to get there and a further 2 weeks to find anything of importance, but at…
Brutal, Merciless Shooting Thankfully Not Linked to Terrorism
NEW YORK, NY – A brutal shooting that recently left 2 people dead and several wounded outside the Empire State Building is not believed to be linked to terrorism, say relieved news sources. Even though 11 people were wounded after…
History Channel Says “Screw It,” Merges with the E! and Syfy Networks
In a move not surprising to cable TV insiders, the History Channel has announced that it will merge with the E! and SyFy channels. Production costs were cited as the primary reason for the consolidation. Abbe Raven, President and CEO…
Superman Fails to Stop Bank Robbery Due to Not Being Real
New York police were left red-faced after Superman did not turn up to save the day. When responding to what seemed a routine bank alarm call out, three police cars pulled up outside Steel Cheques Bank to find a real…
Satire May Be a Dying Art, Thanks to Internet Trolls
Serious concerns have been raised in the United Kingdom, over the future of online satire as an art form, a development which has also caused consternation in the United States. In the UK, a number of high profile court cases…
72% of Justin Bieber Fans Fail Turing Test
Alan Turing developed a level of accomplishment called the “Turing Test,” which was: can a computer trick a human into believing it is human. It turns out, in tests, 72% of Justin Bieber fans failed this test, leading researchers to…
History’s Largest Manhunt Over, Waldo Dead
Aden- The largest manhunt in the war on terror finally comes to a close. Waldo, a.k.a. Wally, Veli, or Al’ Shabaz Mussa Shadif was an American citizen who notably sympathized with Al Quaeda insurgency groups and became an intellectual leader…
Romney: Screw It, I’ll Give $300k to Everyone Who Votes for Me
WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to win over the average working American, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to give away his entire wealth to the American people, declaring: “enough with politics: I’ll give three million freaking…
Nation’s Debt Crisis Solved – No Need to Thank Me
Here’s a number that might scare you: $14,132,959,955,340. That’s 14 trillion dollars, give or take a few hundred billion. That’s the current estimate of our national debt according to the OMB (Office of Management and Budget). Here’s a slightly smaller…
Man Justifies Having Two Facebook Profiles
Documents leaked to Glossy News have revealed that a man, only being identified as Man P, for data privacy reasons, has not one, but two Facebook profiles. It is unclear how this may have happened, but early examination of the…