Categorized | Crime

Superman Fails to Stop Bank Robbery Due to Not Being Real

Superman Fails to Stop Bank Robbery Due to Not Being Real

New York police were left red-faced after Superman did not turn up to save the day.

When responding to what seemed a routine bank alarm call out, three police cars pulled up outside Steel Cheques Bank to find a real armed robbery taking place.

Rather then risk their lives for the money of fat business men, the police decided to wait it out in their cars until Superman arrived to help them tackle the thieves.

Despite the fact that Superman lives in the fictional city of Metropolis the officers refused the need for backup assistance for more then 40 minutes, leaving the robbers to escape with all of the cash in the bank.

It was only after the bank’s manager entered the building and sounded the all clear did the officers leave their vehicles to inspect the scene.

The Chief of Police, Tony Clarke, said that the issue was being investigated and “this could have only been a momentary lapse of judgement” and is in no way related to the time officers spent $1.6 million investigating spider webs.

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3 Responses to “Superman Fails to Stop Bank Robbery Due to Not Being Real”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    Banky: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
    Holden: Yeah.
    Banky: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as F, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
    Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
    Banky: No, I’m serious. This is a serious exercise. It’s like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
    Holden: The man-hating dyke.
    Banky: Good. Why?
    Holden: I don’t know.
    Banky: [shouting] Because the other three are FIGMENTS of your EFFING IMAGINATION! (Chasing Amy)

  2. Sean says:

    What makes you think it was Holden Caulfield robbing the bank? I mean, that’s the first impression I got too, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page…

  3. Kilroy says:

    Superman exists. He’s just a d*ck sometimes.

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