Congress to Pit Literal Donkey v. Elephant to Determine Best Political Party
Democrats and GOP Anxious to Find Out How Animals That Represent Them Will Fare in Battle For Zoological Dominance WASHINGTON DC—In a startling attempt to determine, once in for all, which party reigns supreme in US government, members of congress…
Business Lesson #84 – How to write an apology letter to upset customers
Last week, we talked about how to handle situations when your customers complain about a product defect, such as, “How come when I use your curling iron, it turns causes my hair to evaporate?” Of course the best policy is…
Egyptian takeover not a “coup”; ketchup still a vegetable
Is the military takeover of the democratically elected government of Egypt a coup d’état? Is ketchup a vegetable? If the military takeover in Egypt is a coup d’état, U.S. law requires the suspension of $1.5 billion in aid per year,…
Edward Snowden, Known Criminal, Actually a Hero?
The NSA was doing bad things, Snowden knew it even as a low-level contractor, and he blew the whistle. (In)conveniently, Obama has removed “protect whistleblower” from his website, but maybe this makes it all the more poignant. Here’s this guy,…
Lana Del Rey Distraught Over Backwards Spelling of First Name
LOS ANGELES — The winner of a Q Award for her song “Best New Thing” and an MTV Europe Music Award for “Best Alternative Act,” American singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey is devastated that her first name spelled backwards is A-N-A-L….
Man Suffers Memory Loss Result of Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong Make Successful Compensation Claim
A man has made a successful cosmetic surgery claim. after his liposuction procedure went wrong leading to memory loss for the victim. Following liposuction cosmetic surgery gone wrong which occurred in Majorca, Spain in 2006, the unnamed man was diagnosed…
Dear Nick: The Practical Advice Column
I’ve grown disheartened with standard advice columns such as “Dear Abby” and “Ask Amy”. We are all long overdue for a practical advice column with some real-life answers. Here are a few questions and home-spun practical advice from the advice-master…
Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way
DERRY, NH—Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way. “We warned him,” stated Sheryl Mackey, the mother of the now handicapped-looking child. “We told him if he kept…
Important safety alert: The dangers of texting while breathing
In our increasingly technology-bound culture, cell phone use has exploded over the past decade. A recent report indicates there are now more cell phones in the USA than people, and three times more cell phone users than people who can…
FDA Adds “Homicidal Rampage” Warning to Otherwise Perfectly Safe Drug
Washington DC: The Food and Drug Administration has announced an immediate black box warning will be placed on it’s controversial anti-malarial drug, Lariam, also known as Mefloquine, due to its tendency to make patients attempt murder, suicide, genocide and partake…