US Health and Human Services Recommends Twerking for Seniors
The US Health and Human Services (HHS) has issued a health advisory recommending twerking for seniors. The advisory states “People over 50 may want to consider adding twerking exercises to their workout routines. As people age stiffer joints, slower recovery…
New Photo Surfaces of Early Duck Dynasty Clan Beach Party
cc Shown are Willie, Jase and Jep with wives Korie, Missy and Jessica. photo credit: JeepersMedia via photopin
Man Sues Porn Industry for Making Sex Boring
Dateline: LOS ANGELES–Eduard Garbanzo, a plumber and avid consumer of internet pornography, is suing several top producers of porn for having made sex commonplace and boring. “There’s too much nudity on the internet,” he protests. “They’ve saturated the market, those…
“I, Frankenstein” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
All I have to say about Liongate’s newest offering I, Frankenstein is “Oh, my Gawd! Who got paid to make this bullsh*t?” This latest robitussin induced nightmare from the creators of “UNDERWORLD” comes from the jacked up graphic novel “I,…
Vladimir Putin Wins First Gold Medal of the Olympics
Russian President Vladimir Putin, well-known around the world for his affinity for winning at all costs, won the very first gold medal of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, for Mother Russia. Putin had originally planned to sit the Olympics out,…
January 2014 GlossyNews Winners Announced
January GlossyNews Winners Announced We have the best satire staff in the game and it’s with glee I announce the winners of our January contest. There was a delay in the announcement caused by, you know, let’s say “factors.” A…
Jihadist Gets The 72 Virgins That He So Richly Deserves
The Gates To Glory opened wide to accept young Jasheed as he entered the Jihadist Heaven he worked so hard to deserve. His trainers had always indoctrinated him on the wonders that would await him there were he to prove…
In Duel With The NRA And LaPierre Obama Loses
Many believed it would be a dramatic and historic meeting between President Obama and NRA leader Wayne LaPierre when they met at a press conference in New York this afternoon. After a long standing feud (minus guns but about guns)…
Scientists Discover Modern World “May Be Bad For You”
A recent scientific discovery claims that modern conveniences are having negative side-effects on the mental and bodily health of many first-world inhabitants. Scientists from around the globe report today that modern conveniences, such as the luxury of remaining stationary and…
Comfort Cooking that Won’t Give you a Heart Attack* — Video
Love grilled cheese but don’t care if it tastes like feet? You can have the best of neither world in this GlossyNews exclusive cooking presentation. Really? A sandwich with healthy ingredients that tastes as good as a bacon-wrapped fried chicken…