Little Boy Disguises Self as Grown Man for Party
KNOXVILLE, TN—In an attempt to blend in, local barista Wes Dinkins assumed the identity of an adult human being for the duration of a recent social gathering. Stifling his enthusiasm about video games and how often he plays them, he…
Racing Legend Speed Racer Dead at 63
Former racing legend Speed Racer was found dead in his rented mobile home this afternoon by his ex-wife Trixie Racer. It would appear Speed had been dead at least a month. No cause of death was given until an autopsy…
Idaho State Senator Furious Over Virtual Lap Dance Ban
BOISE, Idaho – Sen. Sam Getzless of Pocatello, Idaho is fuming mad about the recent bill passed in his state banning virtual lap dances, otherwise known as “laptop dances.” Getzless claims the ban will affect roughly half the population as…
White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea
In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula. “The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian…
Miley Proposes Soap as Weapon of Mass Destruction
Los Angeles, California – Since her celebrated beginnings in Nashville, Tennessee, as the daughter of country singer, Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus has experienced a radiant career that has taken her from the Disney Channel to the big stage at…
Polls Show Increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts…
Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars
PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned…
Top Glossy News February Stories Announced… Doozies Included
Well, it’s been a crazy month, and traffic has been higher than it has in at least a year, so here are the winners… and yes, there are some surprises in the mix. The first surprise is that reigning champ,…
Canadians Urge Ukrainians to seek Peace Through Dullness!
Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians. Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern…
CNN Caught Scanning Glossynews.com For Story Ideas
Once again, the mainstream media has swooped in to steal our precious exclusive. We reported it first, but CNN & reality had a different idea when they took the story from the realm of satire into public consciousness. These stories…