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White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea

White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea

In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula.

“The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian trucks are moving into Crimea.

CIA human assets on the ground have since discovered they are filled with weapons of mass destruction.” said Carney.

“President Obama has called for an emergency session of the UN Security Council and is presently conferring with NATO and G7 partners on how to respond to the situation.”

This morning dozens of US and British warships, including one French support vessel, were seen moving into the Black Sea and taking up positions off the coast of Crimea.

Carney continued “The Russians used banned weapons in WWII against the Nazis and if they used them once they may use them again.  President Obama and the American people are resolved that the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation will not go unpunished.  The United States will use any means at our disposal, including the invasion of a sovereign nation,  to insure WMDs are neutralized, international laws upheld and aggressors brought to justice.”

When asked whether the WMDs were chemical or biological  Carney responded “The situation is fluid but at the present time we believe it to be borscht”.

photo credit: U.S. Coast Guard via Photopin, CC

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5 Responses to “White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea”

  1. T.J. Carter says:

    Nice. Take that, Russian cuisine!

  2. Wow, that’s a surprise ending. Of course Americans might want to horn in on Russia’s action. And each aggressive country needs its own pretext for invasion.

  3. deeptrout says:

    Unfortunately for the Ukraine, it has no oil or Chia Pets that need to be protected by its customers.

  4. Deeptrout says:

    FWIW the premise of my article was “The leaders of our nation have lied to us in the past about going to war…and they’ll do it again.”

    Stay vigilant my friends.

  5. Deeptrout says:

    Pubs and dems, nobody has clean hands.

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