The Charge Of The Light Brigade Revisited; Russia Invades Ukraine Edition
There is a famous poem written about another famous invasion of Crimea from the 1800’s- the British fighting the Russians on the Crimean Peninsula. It is called ‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson and concerns itself…
Comedians Debate the Nature of Satire
Dateline: MONTREAL—Comedians gathered around an enormous round table at the World Comedy Festival to try to answer once and for all the perennial question of whether satire is supposed to be serious or funny. According to the comedian Lawrence Flappapuss,…
Weakest Lincoln: Thinkin’ or Not, Napolitano Craps Out
Fox News contributor Judge Andrew Napolitano appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart this week to strut his contrarian cred and ruffle some feathers. Problem is, he was just… plain… wrong. It was great of him to appear on…
Leaders Celebrate Leadership for the Infantilized Masses
Dateline: WASHINGTON—On this year’s Leadership Day, leaders from around the world in governments and corporations spoke about the meaning of leadership while the millions of followers showed that they understood by sitting cross-legged in circles, holding hands, and defecating in…
Miley Cyrus Quotes ‘Then’ and ‘Now’
My, oh my, have times changed. Just a scant three years ago, Miley Cyrus quit the Disney Channel, and her role as Hannah Montana, to become America’s most-watched sex kitten. Talk about your quick-change artists. We thought it would be…
The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists
STOCKHOLM, Sweden—Last week, researchers from MIT, Cambridge, The Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, and other renowned institutions met at the World Astrophysics Conference in Stockholm, where many of the greatest minds in astrophysics debated the properties of dark matter, the…
Pathetic Résumé Supercharged by Plastic Folder
ANAHEIM, CA—The offices of Walworth and Rhodes were gut-punched with excitement upon seeing that an applicant’s otherwise completely unimpressive résumé had been placed inside a plastic folder. With a work history that made him an unequivocal leper in the job…
Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent Russian troops into Coney Island, a part of Brighton Beach, New York, that has a large immigrant Russian population. Swarming ashore from submarines that covertly approached the beach, they quickly took over all government…
Newborn Could Face up to 75 Years
According to sources, newborn Daniel Briggs could face up to 75 years. For the duration of his sentence, he is to live in an environment where people are known to be arbitrarily cruel, outrageously hypocritical and condemn others on the…
Woman Sells Set of Dinosaur Cheese Puffs for $495 on eBay
Helen Crumples is almost $500 richer today after accepting the highest bid on eBay for her “dinosaur” cheese puff collection. The set of five Chester’s Puffcorn snacks, which look amazingly like miniature brontosauruses, were discovered by Helen while tidying up…